


Colouring My Senses Cherry Red

by ben_wyattt



Series: As We Burst Into Colour, Returning to Life [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Friends to Lovers, Love Triangles, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Canon Compliant, Pining, Soulmate Colour AU, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-19
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-04-05 03:42:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 34,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4164399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ben_wyattt/pseuds/ben_wyattt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone sees in black and white until they meet their Soulmate.</p><p>Luke is an art student who starts seeing in colour when he meets Michael, but meeting your Soulmate isn’t always so cut and dry - especially since Luke has got weird kind of non-platonic feelings for his housemate, Calum, which just won’t budge, and Michael can't quite move past his ex, Ashton. </p><p>or</p><p>A Soulmate-Colour AU where I completely reject the idea of predestined soulmates and Calum pines...a lot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So this started out as 4000 word scriptwriting assignment and has grown into a 30k monster.

_June 22nd 2016_

Luke turns the volume on his I-pod right up, blocking everything out. He focuses on the canvas in front of him, swaying gently in time to the music trickling through his earbuds. Lines criss and cross across his page. He crowds in close to the easel, scribbling shadow in here and light in there, picking out the shape of Calum and his sister’s faces, in shades of grey and white and black.  
He feels a hand on his shoulder, and jumps, knocking the canvas off the easel.  
Luke pulls out his earbuds and turns to see Calum

“Shit, Cal…you scared me.”  
“Is that me and Mali?”  
“Yeah…” he says, as he sets about securing the canvas back on the easel. 

He continues painting, painfully aware of Calum, stood behind his shoulder, breathing on his neck.

“Not sure Mali’s hair is quite the right shade.”  
“That what I’m trying to fix.” Luke grunts. 

He carries on painting, Calum carries on breathing over his shoulder.

“Did you want anything in particular, Calum, or…”  
“I just came to make sure you’d eaten something.”  
“I’m fine, I had some cereal at lunchtime.”  
“Luke, it’s nearly midnight.”

Luke ignores him, crowding back in on the painting, and plugging his earbuds back in. Calum pulls one out, demanding Luke’s attention again. 

“Seriously, I’ve got some left over chilli you can have, my aunt brought way too much with her when she came down from Glasgow. I’m never going to eat it all.”  
“I’m nearly done, I just need to get Mali’s hair right.”  
“Nope.” Calum says, taking the paintbrush from Luke’s hand and dragging him over to the sofa. “You need to take a break and eat something. It’s not healthy for you to lock yourself up in here.”

Luke tries to pull away from Calum but Calum only tightens his grip on Luke’s arm. 

“Cal, stop it. I need to get this finished, it looks like shit and it’s in for tomorrow.” 

Calum pushes Luke down onto the sofa, and heads over to their little kitchenette, putting a bowl of chilli in the microwave.

“Shut up, it looks fine.” The microwave beeps and he presses the bowl of sloppy grey chilli into Luke’s hands. “Eat your chilli.”  
“Alright, Dad…” Luke says, reluctantly jabbing at the food with his spoon.  
“Dickhead” Calum mutters, nudging Luke with his shoulder.  
“Arsehole” Luke counters, shoving him back.

They fall into a comfortable silence as Luke concentrates on eating.

“Mali’s hair is pretty close to be fair…” Calum says, eventually.  
“Nah…it’s way too light” Luke says, through a mouthful of food. “I can never get the shading right, everything just ends up this big grey mess. Things would be so much easier if I had colour.”  
“You’re kidding? The shading looks fine. I feel like we’re looking at a different painting.”

Calum’s compliment sends little butterflies fluttering in Luke’s tummy. He holds back the smile which is creeping up on him.

“Shut up” He mutters, his face getting hot, as he blushes. 

They fall silent again.

“So we should do something tomorrow, after you get your life back.” Calum says, breaking the quiet.  
“Like what?” Luke asks, scraping the last of the chilli sauce from his bowl.  
“There’s an Open Mic at the Fleeting Arms…could be fun?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“Come on, you need to leave this flat. You’re going to get a vitamin D deficiency if you stay cooped up in here much longer.”  
“Not entirely sure how going out at night is going to help with that, Cal?”  
“You know what I mean, smart arse! Please, Luke? It will be fun! I won’t even make you get up and sing with me.”  
“Fine.” Luke huffs. “But you need to leave me alone to get this finished or we won’t be going anywhere.”  
“You’re awesome, Lucas.” Calum says, getting up off the couch and heading into his bedroom. 

Luke shakes his head and turns back to his painting.


	2. Loving Him Was Red

_June 23rd 2016_

“Come, on Ash. Come out with me!” Michael whines, from the bathroom. 

He’d been in there for last 15 minutes drying his hair, and fluffing it up to perfection. He had completely ignored the grey splattered mess of dye in the bath. The box said the dye was red, but everything looked the same monochromatic jumble of grey to Michael. He wasn’t sure why he still bothered with dying it…it wasn’t like he was getting the benefit, and if he was honest he was starting to worry about the amount his hair had thinned out over the past six months. He had started dying it when he was 16, hoping it would make it easier for his Soulmate to find him, but he was comfortable with Ashton now…he wasn’t sure he wanted to find his Soulmate.

“I’m absolutely knackered, Mikey. Work was horrible. Honestly, you go without me. You’ll have more fun.”

Michael wanders out of the bathroom, flopping down on the bed next to Ashton, running his hands through the tired boy’s hair. 

“Please Ash…” He fixes his boyfriend with pleading eyes. “I need my drummer.”  
“Honestly, babe. I’ll just be all tired and grumpy.”  
“I’ll stay here with you then.” Michael says, snuggling down next to Ashton. “We’ll just watch shitty TV and order pizza.”  
“No!” Ash shakes his head. “No, you love open mic night! You can’t miss out just because I’m all grumpy.”  
“Are you sure? Michael asks, pressing a kiss into Ashton’s temple.  
“Definitely, you go. Have a good night!” Ashton smiles, catching Michael’s lips in a kiss.  
“Well, if you’re sure” Michael smiles, getting up off the bed and pulling his jacket on. “I love you.”  
“Love you too.” Ashton smiles, as he watches Michael walk out of the apartment.

-x-

Luke has no clue how he has ended up on stage next to Calum, awkwardly holding a guitar, and singing an Ed Sheeran song, especially since he’s come to the Open Mic under the express promise that Calum would not make him sing, but here he is. Luke can feel 50 pairs of eyes on him, staring at him, just waiting for him to trip up. 50 people holding their breath and waiting for him to forget a lyric or hit a wrong note. 

More than that he can feel Calum’s eyes fixed on him. He keeps glancing to his left, where Calum is strumming and harmonising, hoping he’ll catch his friend looking at him, but every time he turns, Calum’s eyes are quickly averted. 

Calum considers getting Luke up on stage his greatest achievement of the night. He feels like Luke owes it to as many people as possible to sing for them, the kid is amazing. He’s always been good, since they were kids back in Sydney and Luke was making videos of himself in his dad’s office, his young voice all strain and too much vibrato. Even then, Calum had heard something in there, some potential. Over the past year Luke’s voice has grown into itself. Every time Calum hears Luke’s clear, strong baritone it feels like he is being punched in the chest. It just floors him. Every single time. It is almost more than Calum can manage to remind his fingers where they should be sitting on his fret board, he is getting completely lost in Luke’s voice. 

He knows Luke keeps cutting him glances, trying to catch the older boy staring at him, but Calum is quick to look away. He’s spent a lot of time staring, undetected, at his best friend. He’s gotten pretty good at it. 

The song comes to an end and Luke mutters a quick “Thank you” then all but darts off stage. Calum sets his guitar on its stand and steps down off the stage, finding his friend curled up in one of the battered couches pushed into the corner, nursing a bottle of Corona. Calum sits down next to Luke, who passes him a beer. Calum swigs from the bottle, grimacing at the weird, yeasty taste of the beer, but pushing down another 3 mouthfuls. 

“You alright?” He asks Luke, who’s picking at one of the drawstrings on his hoodie.  
“Yeah, I’m fine…there was just a lot of people looking at me.”  
“Yeah, because you were awesome.”  
“Nah…I kind of messed up in the bridge.”  
“It wasn’t noticeable.” Calum smiles, giving Luke’s shoulder a comforting squeeze.

Luke shoots Calum a smile, then directs his attention back to the stage. The beardy guy who works behind the bar is on stage, reading from a crumpled piece of paper.

“Alright, up next we’ve got Michael Clifford.” 

When the boy in question steps up onto the stage Luke feels his heart leap up into his throat. His hair is a bright, vibrant shade Luke has never seen before. Colour starts to creep into his vision, radiating from the boy on stage, washing away the grey. Luke turns to Calum, gasping at his breath and barely managing to whisper “His hair.”  
“What about it?” Calum asks  
“It’s weird.” Luke says, not really sure of how to explain it. “It’s different.”  
“What?” Cal asks, his heart beating against his chest as the realisation of what Luke is probably seeing dawns on him.  
“It’s really bright. It’s this really bright – like – really bright, I don’t know how to explain it, but it looks amazing, Cal.”  
“You’re not making sense.” Calum mutters, refusing to the let this be the conversation they are about to have.  
“Okay…just look at his hair.” Luke says, becoming exasperated.  
“Yep.” Calum says. He is pretty sure, at this point, almost certain that Luke is seeing the boy on stage in colour, but that doesn’t mean he is ready to face up to that. “It’s thin and kind of fluffy.”  
“But then it’s all like…weird.”  
“It’s just hair, Luke.”  
“I think it might be colour.”

Well that’s it. This is the conversation they are having. It’s happening, Calum can’t put it off any longer.

“You’re serious?”  
“I’m pretty sure.” Luke nods.  
“It might not be because of him though.” Calum tries. “There are like 50 people in here. It could be any of them…”  
“No.” Luke shakes his head, resolute. “It’s definitely him.”  
“How do you know?”  
“It’s like the colour came from him. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. You’ll get it when it happens to you, Cal.”

Calum swallows, and nods, staying silent.

Michael wraps up his song and steps down off the little stage, pushing his way through the crowd, to the bar. Luke’s eyes are fixed on him as he makes his way across the pub. He feels Calum poke him in the side, pulling him out of his weird trance.

“Go and talk to him, idiot.” Calum says, with a weird looking smile.  
“Yeah.” Luke nods. “Should I?” He pushes himself up off the couch. “Yeah, I’m going to.” 

Calum watches as Luke walks towards the red-headed boy, then goes back to swigging down his now slightly warm beer.

Luke hesitates as he reaches the bar, silently steeling himself, running through various opening lines in his mind, but never actually opening his mouth. 

Eventually it’s Michael who speaks up first. Hesitantly placing a hand on Luke’s arm and asking, “Can I buy you a drink.”

Michael’s voice is soft, he has this kind of sing-song Aussie accent which reminds Luke of home and draws him in closer to the red-haired boy. 

Luke nods in response to Michael’s request, before finally managing to squeak out, “yeah, I’ll have a Corona please.”

Luke is beautiful. Just looking at him feels like a punch in the chest. As soon the blonde boy speaks Michael knows he has been wrong, about the Soulmate thing, about Ashton. His heart drops to his feet as he realises that he can’t ignore this, that he is being pulled to lanky, kind of awkward kid, and he won’t be able to resist that pull. 

“Good choice.” Michael smiles, before flagging down the bar tender and ordering two beers. “I’m Michael…Mikey.”  
“Luke…just Luke, you can’t really shorten it can you…it’s kind of a boring name like that.” Luke rambles, before stopping himself and letting a heavy silence settle over them. “Your hair is amazing by the way.” He says, eventually, trying to revive the conversation.  
“Thanks.” Michael smiles, then after a minute, “Wait, you can see it?”  
“Of course I can see it, it’s on your head.” Luke giggles.

Michael laughs, edging closer to Luke.

“No, I mean you can see that it’s red?”  
Luke smiles at the word. “Red.” He whispers, trying it out in his mouth.  
“Red” Michael says, with a fond smile. “What does it actually look like?”  
Luke shakes his head. “I don’t know…it’s your hair, how do you not know what it looks like?”  
“Well I never seen it, have I?” Michael replies, not missing a beat.  
“You mean you’ve never…”  
“Not until today.” He interjects.  
“Oh” Luke exhales. 

Michael’s phone buzzes in his pocket. He checks the screen, Ashton’s name flashes across the screen. 

He looks at his wallpaper, a picture of Ashton sat on the end of the pier, legs dangling over the edge – scraping the sand below – his hair had been scraped into a bun, because of the wind, and he was smiling up Michael, who was stood over him, behind the camera. The picture had been taken last Christmas, when they’d visited Michael’s family in Sydney. A stab of guilt fills his chest as he locks his phone and shoves it back in his pocket. 

He looks back up at Luke. As soon as his eyes fix back on the boy, who is playing with the neck of his beer bottle, and chewing at the nail on his thumb, the ache in Michael’s chest starts to ease. 

“Your eyes.” Michael breathes, leaning towards Luke, removing most of the space between them.  
“My eyes?” Luke asks, turning his face away, suddenly shy.  
“I think they’re blue.” Michael says. “They’re really pretty.”  
“Pretty?”  
“Well, not pretty” Michael stutters. “But, kind of…”  
“Not sure how I feel about my eyes being called pretty.” Luke says, with a grin.  
“I didn’t mean…”  
“I mean…I guess I’m okay with it, coming from such a pretty mouth.”

Michael lets out this squawk of a giggle. It is a petty mouth, Luke thinks, it’s kind of thin, and his lips are just a few shades off the fire-engine red of his hair.

“Wow” Michael says. “That was smooth.”  
“Yeah…I am pretty smooth.” Luke smiles with a shrug. 

They lapse into a silence, this one not as heavy or foreboding as it had been earlier, but still very present. It’s Michael who talks first.

“Maybe we should go for a walk.” He suggests, draining the last few dregs of lager from his bottle. “It’s a bit loud to talk properly in here.”  
“Sounds good” Luke smiles, finishing his beer and shooting Calum a quick text message to explain his disappearance. 

Michael gently threads his fingers through Luke’s. As he locks their hands together he is painfully aware of how different Luke’s hands feel to Ashton’s. Ashton’s hands are all long fingers, and perpetually covered in blisters and callouses from drumming. Luke’s hand are pretty soft, apart from the very tips of his fingers which have been worn shiny-smooth, probably from playing guitar. Michael’s chest starts to fill with the achy sensation again. He pushes through the crowd of people filling the pub, Luke following behind, never unclasping their hands. 

Once they’re outside the pub the cold night air, and the sharp wind which is pretty much ever present in York, helps to ease the pull in Michael’s chest. He turns to look at Luke, who shoots him this big open smile, which feels kind of like sunshine. Michael smiles back.

“This way.” He whispers, leading Luke down the road towards the riverbank. 

They walk along the river in a comfortable silence for a while, before Luke speaks up.

“So I want to say tell me about yourself” He says. “But that’s shitty first date conversation, that doesn’t really mean anything, and it should be like that, should it? With your Soulmate, I mean.”

Luke freezes. He’s said it, he’s said the word Soulmate out loud. That’s it, they’ve acknowledged that is what was happening, and there isn’t a way to back out now. He hesitantly looks towards Michael, terrified he has overstepped some unspoken boundary. Michael gives his hand a squeeze and replies, brushing past the Soulmate comment.

“Well I’m 20…I moved here from Sydney nearly two years ago now…”  
“I came here from Sydney last year.” Luke smiles.  
“It was meant to be.” Michael says with a grin. Luke laughs. “Anyway…” Michael continues, “I came here to do chemistry at the uni…but I wasn’t really smart enough, so now I work in a call centre, which is shit, but I mean…it pays better than KFC…which is where my…um…my flatmate works.”

“Why chemistry?” Luke asks.

“When I was little, in like year 8 or 9 I think, I had this science teacher, Mr Dobbyn, and he was amazing…absolutely mental, but amazing. And one lesson he sat us all down and told us how we’re all made of stars.” Michael’s face completely lights up as he speaks, his eyes sparkling, in this way that just forces Luke to look at him. “How all the stuff that makes us up, you know the hydrogen and carbon and everything, it all comes from the centre of stars. When the stars are dying they throw out all this chaos and debris, using the very last bits of their energy to literally throw life out into the universe. And all these different bits of elements, like star dust, they all clump together and become new moons, and planets and millions of years down the line, people. People are literally made of stardust. When he told me that I decided that science was the closest thing we had to magic, and I wanted to understand it. 

“Wow.” Luke whispers. “You’re amazing.” 

Michael shoots Luke a smile, a pink blush colouring his cheeks.

“Your cheeks have gone all red.” Luke observes,  
“Shut up.” Michael giggles, his hands covering his cheeks. “You’re embarrassing me.”  
“Sorry…it’s not…I just…It’s cute.”

Michael smiles, blushing even harder and taking Luke’s hand back in his.

“So” He says. “What about you?”  
“What about me?”  
“Tell me about yourself.” Michael says.  
“Not that much to tell really, I’m pretty uninteresting.”  
“I reject that. You are definitely interesting. I am awesome, so there is no way the universe would give me an uninteresting Soulmate.”

Luke feels this weird tremmor in his chest, when Michael says the world "Soulmate"

“Well…I’m 19, I’m an art student.” He says. “I’m just about to start my third year. That’s it really.”  
“An art student? That’s cool.”  
“Nah, it’s a bit wanky really.” Luke says, shaking his head.  
“Well, I mean, a bit wanky…”  
“Hey!” Luke protests, nudging Michael with his elbow.  
“But that doesn’t mean it’s not cool…So, what kind of art do you make?”  
“Okay, this is going to sound stupid. So you have to promise you won’t laugh.”  
“I’m not going to laugh.”  
“I want to illustrate comic books.”  
“That’s not stupid, that’s amazing.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah! Totally cool. Not at all nerdy.”  
“Shut up, I know it’s nerdy.”  
“Okay, but nerdy in a cool way.”  
“I guess. I want to do really sort of stylised stuff, you know like Alison Bechdel, Bryan Lee O’Malley, Posy Simmonds…the more kind of indie stuff.”  
“Hipster” Michael laughs, fondly.  
“Shut up.” Luke laughs. “But yeah, I’m kind of stuck doing a bunch of still life, and portraiture and stuff at the minute, because of uni. But it’s…whatever, I guess you have to learn the rules before you break them.”  
“Totally!” Michael interjects. “I love post-punk music because of that, you know, it takes punk, which is pretty formulaic, you know similar chord patterns, and melodic structures and stuff, and then twists it into something new.”  
“Definitely,” Luke cuts in, “Like, Steve Dillon does a similar thing with his Deadpool comics, takes the tropes and kind of turns them upside down.  
“Completely, I love the early Deadpool stuff for exactly that reason.” 

Michael turns to face Luke, their faces inches away from each as they stop walking.

“Yeah.” Luke all but whispers. “It’s um…pretty cool.”  
“Yeah.” Michael lets out a heavy breath, his eyes locked on Luke’s.

Luke leans in, closing the tiny gap between himself and Michael, brushing their lips together. That little stab of guilt hits Michael’s chest, and he pulls away, almost reflexively. 

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed.” Luke mutters. 

He looks so crestfallen, the light that pulls Michael in is gone from his eyes, and Michael just wants it back. 

“No, it’s okay.” He whispers, “I just wasn’t expecting it.” Which isn’t really a lie. 

Michael ignores the ache in his chest and kisses Luke. Luke opens his mouth ever so slightly and Michael runs his tongue along Luke’s bottom lip. Luke shivers as Michael’s tongue brushes against his little black piercing. They pull apart, sucking in shallow breaths.

“I really like you,” Michael sighs, stroking Luke’s cheek with his thumb. “And I’m not just saying that because of the Soulmate thing…you’re funny, and cute, and you like comics, and you don’t think I’m weird when I go on about science. You’re really cool, and yeah you’re my Soulmate, but I think I would still like, I would still have bought you a drink, and I would still have flirted with you, even without all the colour stuff.” 

As soon as Michael has finished speaking, he knows everything he has just said is true, it hits him just how much he cares about this kid he barely even knows. 

“I really like you too.” Luke says, stealing a chaste kiss.

They fall silent, as Luke works out where they are.

“God we’ve walked for ages, we’re nearly at my flat.”  
“I hadn’t even realised we’d gone that far.”  
“Where do you live?” Luke asks, his face filled with concern.  
“Back up the other end of town.” Michael replies sheepishly.  
“Come and stay at mine.”  
“Sorry?” Michael exhales, that little ache of guilt squeezing his chest again.  
“You can stay at mine…if you want. “ Luke repeats, taking Michael’s hand back in his.  
“I don’t think that would be the best idea.” Michael says. Realisation colours Luke’s face.  
“Oh Shit.” He gasps. “I didn’t mean like that…you can stay on the sofa…I wasn’t trying to…”  
“Oh fuck…I just assumed. Yeah I’ll come back to yours that would be nice.” Michael says, kissing Luke gently.

-x-

Luke’s flat is literally 2 minutes away, above a decrepit looking bike shop on Gillygate. His key doesn’t really fit in the lock properly and he has to jimmy it around for a good 30 seconds until the lock finally clicks. When the lock does finally click open Luke still has to shoulder barge his way through the door, because there is what can only be described as a drift of junk mail behind it. 

“Sorry.” Luke says with an embarrassed little smile. “It’s kind of a mess.”  
“It’s fine.” Michael says, planting a kiss on his temple.

Luke leads Michael up the stairs, into the little living room. There are half painted canvases stacked up everywhere, all filled with monochrome sketches and studies. Luke notices that the battered couch, which he had heretofore believed to be black is in fact red.

“The couch is red” He comments, realising as soon as he has spoken, how dumb he sounds.  
“Well observed.” Michael laughs.  
“Shut up, you know, what I mean…it didn’t use to be before, you know.”

Michael cuts Luke off with a kiss.

“You’re cute when you get flustered.” He smiles. Luke blushes. “Did you draw these?” Michael asks, gesturing towards the paintings littering the room. Luke nods.  
“They’re really good.” Michael smiles. “Who is this?” He continues, pointing at the canvas on the easel in the corner of the room.  
“It’s my housemate, Calum, and his sister. It was for my degree, like sort of a trial run for my dissertation, you know so my tutors could give me feedback, before I start properly.”  
“That’s cool.”  
“Yeah, my plan is to do the same picture in few different styles, like a triptych maybe, but I might do more than three now…I want to explore the whole colour thing.”  
“That’s going to be weird for you…trying out the colour stuff.”  
“Yeah, to be honest it would have been good if I could have it since first year, to practise.”  
“Sorry, how inconvenient of me, to meet you as you’re starting you dissertation”  
“I’ll let you off.” Luke smiles. “Since you’re so cute.”  
He kisses Michael, wrapping his arms around the red-heads waist. 

“Oh, I’m cute am I?” Michael teases, looking up at Luke from under his eyelashes and fluttering them.  
“Absolutely adorable.” Luke laughs, kissing Michael’s nose. 

Michael lets out giggle, flopping down on to the sofa. He pulls Luke along with him, the taller boy tumbling on top of him, landing in a tangle of long limbs. He looks at Michael, losing himself in his bright green eyes. 

“Hi.” Michael whispers.  
“Hey.” Luke says back. 

Michael leans up, closing the space between them and catching Luke’s lips in a long, slow kiss. Luke lets out a soft moan, allowing Michael to slip his tongue between the younger boy’s lips. Luke runs his hands through Michael’s fluffy hair, littering kisses across his temples, down his cheeks and along his jaw. Luke kisses just behind Michael’s ear, nipping at the sensitive skin there, it sends a shiver right through the older boy.  
“You like it when I kiss there?” he whispers, letting his breath tickle Michael’s skin, sending more shivers through the red head.  
Michael nods, swallowing thickly. Luke sucks at the skin behind his ear, biting down firmly, painting his neck with a dark purple bruise. He pulls away from Michael and admires his work.  
“Such beautiful colours.” He whispers, stroking the bruised skin.  
“Maybe…you could show me your bedroom.” Michael whispers, before he can think himself out of it. Luke nods leading him towards the door.

As soon as they are through the door, Luke is pushing Michael down on the bed, kissing along his collarbones. He pushes the older boy’s denim jacket off his shoulders, inhaling sharply as he takes in the tattoos which decorate his Soulmate’s arms. He traces the swirly black script inside his bicep. Michael giggle’s softly.

“That tickles.” He whispers.  
“Oh” Luke says, raising and eyebrow. His fingers dance along Michael’s arms and up and down his sides, tickling him mercilessly, Michael squirms underneath him, his breath getting caught in shallow gasps.  
“Stop….stop it…Luke! Mercy….mercy.”  
“Mercy?” Luke asks, still tickling.  
“Mercy.” Michael says, breathlessly.  
Luke relents and the pair collapse in giggles. They quiet as they start to catch their breath.

“Adorable.” Luke whispers into the near silence, stroking along the contours of Michael’s face. 

They kiss, Michael nipping gently at Luke’s bottom lip, catching the cold metal ring with his tongue. Luke pushes Michael’s t-shirt up over his head. He trails kisses down his chest, pausing to bite gently on his nipples. His runs his hand up and down Michael’s sides, earning more shivers from the boy underneath him. He carries on kissing, moving further down Michael’s body, paying special attention to the soft curve of the boy’s tummy. 

“Don’t...” Michael whispers.  
“What?” Luke asks, looking up into Michael’s eyes.  
“It’s all pudgy…and chubby…I don’t like it when…I don’t…”  
“Hey…” Luke smiles. “It is part of you, and it’s beautiful.” He trails more kisses along Michael’s abdomen. “I love…it.” 

Luke runs his hands along the waistband of Michael’s jeans, letting his fingers dance over the fly. He hesitates for a moment. Michael pulls gently at Luke’s hair, moaning as he feel a thick knot of heat building in his core. Luke pulls down Michael’s jeans, dipping his hand into the boy’s boxers. Michael feels the hot stab of guilt in his chest again and let’s go of Luke.

“Stop.” He breathes out. Luke moves away, kneeling at the end of the bed.  
“Shit…sorry. Did I do something wrong?” Luke asks. Regret paints his face, his eyes widening, as he chews on his bottom lip. 

His cute, anxious face makes the ache in Michael’s chest intensify.

“No…it’s not…it’s nothing you did.” Michael reassures. He takes a deep breath. “I just have…we’re just moving kind of fast.”  
“”Sorry…” Luke whispers, chewing on his lip.  
“No it’s fine, really it’s okay. I was enjoying it…I just…can we just snuggle?” Michael asks  
“Of course.” Luke says, moving up the bed and wrapping an arm around Michael’s shoulders. 

Michael rests his head on Luke’s chest, tracing patterns into the fabric of his sweater. Luke strokes Michael’s hair, placing a kiss on his head every so often. He pulls the duvet over the both of them.

“Thank you.” Michael whispers.  
“Sleepy.” Luke mumbles, cocooning himself around Michael and sucking on his thumb.  
“So cute.” Michael says, as he watches Luke fall asleep. “Night night, Lukey.”  
“Night.” Luke exhales, barely conscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have most of this written, and hopefully I'll be updating every Friday.


	3. I Don't Need Your Reasons

_June 24th 2016_

The first thing Michael sees when he wakes up is colour. The blue and yellow spilling in through the window, the purple of Luke’s bedsheets, the mishmash of multi-coloured clothes littering the floor. It’s bright, in the daylight, brighter than Michael can handle. He squeezes his eyes shut giving them a minute to adjust.  
The second thing he sees is Luke’s arm, wrapped tightly around his waist. He snuggles into Luke, breathing in his scent and enjoying the few perfect moments, before that stab of guilt fills his chest again. 

He watches Luke sleeping. He looks so peaceful, innocent, his endless limbs curling in on themselves, a lanky giant of a boy folded up, like he’s trying to make himself small. He’s truly beautiful, all broad shoulders and pink lips. Looking at Luke, Michael can’t understand how he ever doubted the soulmate thing. He knows that no one would feel as right lying next to him as Luke.   
His phone buzzes in his pocket.

Ashton’s name is on the screen. He swipes it, unlocking the phone. 17 missed calls from Ashton, and the stabbing feeling in his chest is the worst it has felt all night. He carefully untangles himself from Luke’s embrace, shuffling out of the bed. Michael pulls on his t-shirt, Luke and Ashton’s smells are all mixed up in the fabric, it feels like a knife is being twisted in his chest.

He pulls on his jacket, and takes a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket. He spreads it smooth, finds a pen on the nightstand, scribbles down his name and phone number, and bolts from the room. 

The living room isn’t empty. There is a guy at the kitchenette counter, wearing only his boxers and shoving pop-tarts into the toaster. He turns around, and shoots Michael a smile. Michael freezes.

“Um hi…” He says.  
“Hey. I’m Calum, Luke’s roommate?” The boy says, in a voice far too cheery for this time in the morning.   
“Michael…I um…I’m a friend of Luke’s”  
“Friend?” Calum asks, raising an eyebrow.   
“Well you know…look, I’ve got to shoot - I’ve got um…I’ve got work. Will you tell Luke I’m sorry, that I had to leave early and shit?”   
“Yeah, no worries bro.” Calum smiles. “Hopefully see you soon.”  
“Yeah definitely.” Michael says, heading down the stairs. 

Once he’s out in the street Michael pulls his phone out of his pocket. He opens up his contacts, scrolling to Ashton’s number, his thumb hovers over the call button and the stabbing in his chest is pretty much all he can feel. He locks his phone, shove is back in his pocket, and flags down a cab. 

The flat is empty when he gets back. Ashton must be at work. Michael flops down on the sofa, flicking aimlessly through the TV channels. He checks his phone again. No more calls from Ashton, but there’s a text from Luke. It’s long and rambley and cute, and completely Luke. He smiles, getting this warm little fluttering feeling building up in his tummy. He types a quick text back and turns his attention back to the TV. 

-x-

Michael jumps when he hears the door unlock. Ashton slumps into the sitting room. He still looks gorgeous, even dead tired, and in his KFC uniform, which is possibly the least flattering outfit in the world. 

The stabbing in Michael’s chest is steady and insistent. 

Ashton flops onto the sofa, snuggling into Michael’s side. Michael gently massages Ashton’s head, focusing his breathing, trying to push the stabbing pain down.

“How was work?” He asks. His breathing won’t stay steady, and his heart is beating so fast, and the stabbing feeling won’t go away.  
“You know…” Ash says, turning his attention to the TV. “Customers, chicken…it was pretty shit.” Ashton lazily draws patterns with his finger on Michael’s thigh. “What happened to you last night?”  
“I um…” He takes a deep breath. “I just went to that open mic.” He says, hoping he sounds casual.  
“I know. I mean after that. You didn’t make it home.” 

Michael stays silent.

“I was worried about you.”   
“You d…don’t need to w…worry about me.” Michael stutters, praying they can change the subject.  
“Mikey, seriously.” Ashton says, frustration rising in his voice. “Where did you end up?”  
“I just ended up crashing at a mate’s house.” Michael mumbles, lamely.  
“Which mate?”   
“Just a mate…”  
“Michael, who did you stay with?”  
“Come on, Ash. Let’s not do this.”  
“Michael.”  
“You don’t know him.”  
“Was it someone from work?”  
“No, it was just this guy…I met him at the open mic.”  
There is a silence. A cloud falls over Ashton’s face. He swallows thickly, before finally speaking.  
“And you stayed at his house?”  
“Yeah…” Michael whispers, barely audible.   
“Are you fucking kidding me?” He exhales.  
“Ash…please, calm down.”  
“Did you sleep with him?” Ash cuts him off. Michael falls quiet. The silence fills the room.  
“I…why would you even ask that?” He whispers, almost afraid to speak.  
“You slept with him.”   
Michael can’t look at Ashton, he can’t breathe, the stabbing in his chest feel like it’s tearing him apart.  
“You’re being ridiculous.” Michael tries, but his voice makes it clear, even he doesn’t believe what he saying.  
“I don’t think I am.” Ashton replies, suddenly quiet. His face is blank, empty of emotion.

Ashton waits for a response, any kind of defence from Michael. Michael stays silent. 

“You did.” He says, his voice filled with this thickness making it clear he is holding back tears.  
“Ashton…we didn’t…but we did…stuff”  
“You slept with him.” Ashton whispers, tear welling up in his hazel eyes.  
Michael can barely get the words out, “He was my Soulmate,”  
“Fuck you.” Ashton responds, immediately.  
“Ash please…I’m sorry. I didn’t sleep with him, nearly, but I couldn’t, I just kept thinking of you and…”  
“No fuck you.” Ashton says, the anger exploding from him. “Fuck you! You don’t get to say that to me. You don’t get to say a fucking word to me. You don’t get to let me fall in love with you and then just turn around like; ‘sorry, my Soulmate turned up so I don’t need you anymore’ you can’t do that to me. It’s not fucking fair Michael.  
“I didn’t know how it would…”  
“After everything you said, you were the one who said the whole Soulmate thing is bullshit.”  
“I know…I didn’t think…”  
“You told me you loved me.”  
“I did…” Michael realises what he has said. “I do.”  
“Get. Out.” Ashton says, fighting against his tears.  
“It’s different when it happens, I didn’t know how it was going to feel.”  
“Shut up.” Ashton whispers, a sob ripping through him.  
“I didn’t know it was going to feel so right.”  
“So what? I feel wrong?”  
“That’s not what I meant, Ashton, you know that’s not what I meant.”  
“I need you to leave.” Ashton sobs.  
“Ash…please, we can figure this out.”  
“I can’t be near you right now, Michael.”  
Michael nods, a sinking feeling settling in his chest. He pulls on his jacket and heads out of the door.   
Ashton watches him leave, angry, ragged breaths ripping out of him as he loses control of his tears.   
-x-  
Luke heart sinks when he wakes up to an empty bed. For a few horrible moments he thinks he might have imagined the night before, maybe dreamt it.   
Then he opens his eyes, and the colour hits him in the face. He’s squinting, rubbing his eyes, it takes him a good five minutes to adjust. Eventually he manages to keep his eyes open for more than a minute at a time, and notices the crumpled piece of paper on the pillow next to him. 

He unfolds it, the name “Mikey” is scribbled there, in a kind of childlike chicken scrawl, his phone number is written underneath. Luke saves the number to his phone and types out a quick text, telling Michael he had a good time last night, then flops back on the bed, rubbing at the headache building between his eyes.   
Calum bursts through the door, a mug of tea in each hand.

“Good morning, sunshine.” He smiles.  
“Fuck you, Calum.” Luke mutters.   
“So someone had fun last night” Calum said, sitting next to Luke and handing him a mug of tea.  
“Shut up.” Luke said, fighting back a smile.  
“So…tell me about your mysterious Soulmate.” Calum teases.  
“Don’t call him that.”  
“What? It’s better than ‘the one night stand’”  
“He has a name…its Michael.”  
“Michael.” Calum mimics. “I actually crossed paths with him this morning.”  
“Oh?”  
“Yeah, he told me to let you know he was sorry he had to shoot through, he had work.”  
“Aw…” Luke smiled “He’s so sweet.”  
“Are you going to see him again?”  
“Nah” Luke replies, sarcastically. “I thought I’d just let my Soulmate wander out of my life forever…I’m not that fussed.  
“Sound life choice.” Calum laughs, lying back, propping himself up on his side, to face Luke.   
“He is amazing though.” Luke smiles.  
“Aw look at you all sappy and in love.”  
“Shut up…I’m not in love.”  
“No, not much.” 

They sit in a comfortable silence, drinking their tea. It is a few moments until Luke speaks up. 

“I’m sorry about leaving you at the pub last night.”  
“Dude, its fine….he’s your Soulmate, that's massive. I’m obviously not going to be mad at you for buying him a drink. “  
“Thanks.” Luke says. He paws around in his nightstand, digging out a packet of Panadol. He pops two of the pills. “God, this colour thing is hard work, I’ve got a killer headache.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah…Jesus, it’s just so vivid, to the point where it literally hurts. And there are so many colours, I couldn’t even have imagined them, until yesterday, but now it’s like…I don’t know how I saw things before.”  
“With your eyes, I’m guessing.” Calum joked.  
“I was trying to have a moment, Calum.” Luke pouted.  
“Sorry.”   
“It’s alright.” Luke laughed. “I’m going to work on my dissertation.” He gets up from the bed and heads towards the living room.   
“Alright.” Calum says. “Just don’t shut yourself away painting all day? Alright?”  
“I won’t.”  
“Promise?”  
“I promise.”  
-x-  
Michael finds himself tucked in the corner of a Starbucks. He’s been nursing the same latte for a good three hours, and the barista is giving him this kind of pleading look. Michael knows he needs to leave, the shop has to close at some point, and he feels really bad making the poor girl behind the counter stay any later than she needs to, but he has absolutely no idea where he is going to go. He has called Ashton approximately 700 times, but it just keeps going straight to voicemail. He pulls his phone out, dialling Ashton’s number one last time. It rings. He almost faints when he hears Ashton’s voice on the other end. 

“Michael?”  
Ashton…oh my god…Ash, hi.”  
“You need to stop calling me.”  
“Ash please, just give me 5 minutes.”  
“Seriously, this isn’t okay.”  
“Ashton, I have nowhere to go.”  
“Michael stop.”  
There is silence. Michael waits for Ashton to carry on talking.  
“Seriously, you fucked up, you really fucked up.”  
“I know, Ash, really I know, and I don’t expect you to forgive me, I know what I did was fucked up.”  
“Yeah it was.”  
“Just let me stay at the flat tonight, just until I sort out somewhere else.”  
“Why don’t you go and stay with…fuck, Michael, I don’t even know his name.”  
“It’s Luke.”  
“Go and stay with Luke.”  
“Please Ash, you’re being kind of unreasonable”  
“Are you fucking kidding me?”

The phone clicks, Ashton has hung up. Michael stuffs his phone back into his pocket, thinking through his options. He feels a hand on his shoulder, and looks up to see the barista smiling down at him.

“Hey. I don’t want to rush you or anything, but we kind of need to close up.”

Michael nods, and downs the last of his coffee. “Yeah of course, sorry, I’ll get going.” He pulls his jacket back on, and heads for the door, shoving a five pound note in the tip jar on the way past. 

Out in the street it’s freezing. He pulls his jacket tighter around him and heads down the street, shivering. He scrolls through his contact list, past Ashton, knowing better than to try again. He stops at Luke’s number. He takes a deep breath, he doesn’t want to push this pressure on Luke, they only met yesterday, but he is kind of out of other options. Luke answers after the third ring.

“Mikey.”  
“Hey Luke…”  
“Everything okay?” Luke asks, Michael can hear the concern in his voice.  
“Yeah, I’m okay…look is it alright if I come over to your place? I…um….I’m having some flatmate problems.”  
“Yeah of course, do you need me to come and meet you, or can you remember how to get here?”   
“I’m only 5 minutes away, I think I can find my way.”  
“Okay, ring me if you get lost.”  
“I’ll be fine. I’ll see you soon.”  
“See you soon.” Michael hangs up, and heads towards Luke’s flat.

-x-

Luke is still painting when he hears the doorbell. He buzzes Michael up. When he tumbles through the door it’s clear he’s been crying. Luke pulls him into a hug.

“Michael, what’s wrong?”  
Michael sniffs, trying to stop his tears. “It doesn’t matter, I’m fine.”  
“Hey.” Luke says wiping a tear from his cheek. “You’re clearly not.”  
“I had a bit of a fight with my flatmate…it’ll blow over.”  
“You’re sure?”  
“Yeah…I mean…he kicked me out…but yeah I’ll be alright.”  
“Michael…he kicked you out? This is kind of serious.”  
“Its fine, it’s just...I don’t know where I’m going to stay.”  
“Stay here.”  
“Luke that’s too much, no I can’t let you do that for me.”  
“Michael, I’m not going to leave you out on the street.”  
“Well just for a few days, just until I can sort somewhere else out.”  
“Honestly, babe, stay here as long as you like.”

Luke kisses Michael, he melts into the embrace. Luke strokes his hair, letting the boy cry into his shoulder.

“Hey…no tears.” Luke tucks his fingers under Michael’s chin, lifting his face to look at him. “Show me that cute smile.”

Michael smiles through his tears.

“That’s better.”

Michael scrubs at his face, sucking in deep breaths. 

“You’ve been trying out the colour thing?” Michael asks, walking towards the easel.  
“Yeah…I think I fucked it up a bit…I need some practice…not used to the colour at all.”  
“It’s mental isn’t.” Michael says, his breath evening out, his tears slowing.  
“Everything is so bright…like that sounds obvious, but…it’s so much.”  
“I completely get it, it’s like my brain can’t cope with all the new stuff.  
“It’s worth it though” Luke says, wrapping his arms around Michael’s waist. “I can deal with the colour if it means I get you.” He kisses the tip of Michael’s nose. 

Michael pulls away, raising an eyebrow.

“Wow…that was cheesy.” He teases. “I think I might have actually just been a little bit sick in my mouth that was so soppy.”   
“Fine…” Luke huffs, sarcastically. “I try being a nice boyfriend and this is the thanks I get…I won’t even try in future.”  
“So you’re my boyfriend?” Michael asks, smiling.  
“Of course…” Luke stutters. “I mean, if you want…like…it would make sense, with the whole Soulmate thing…but you don’t have to…like, I don’t want you to feel pressured, like the colour stuff doesn’t have to mean anything…we could just…”

Michael silences Luke with a kiss.

“Stop talking.” He smiles, kissing his boyfriend again. “I would love to be your boyfriend.”

Their lips meet in a long slow kiss, Luke runs his tongue along Michaels lip. Michael lets out a moan.

“Guys, for the sake of my mental health can we keep the PDA to a minimum.” Calum says as he lets himself through the door. Michael and Luke spring apart, blushing and giggling.

“Oh my god.” Calum sighs, rolling his eyes. “You’re like a pair of school kids.”   
“Sorry.” Luke mumbles, the apology hovers as they fall into a weird silence.   
“So, Luke do you want to introduce me or?”  
“Oh yeah, this is Michael…you kind of met I think?”  
“Yeah, I was sneaking out of your bed, Calum was making pop-tarts in his boxers.”  
“Sounds like the start of a bad rom-com.” Luke laughs.   
“It’s good to meet you…properly…and not in my underwear.” Calum smiles, shaking Michael’s hand.   
“Yeah.” Michael laughs. “And I just want to apologise for pushing my way into your flat.”  
“Don’t worry about, if you make Luke happy your fine by me.” He smiles. “But if you hurt him I will rip your balls of.”  
“Calum, you don’t need to do the intimidating best friend thing…like I would appreciate it if you didn’t scare him off.”  
“I’m tough.” Michael smiles “He doesn’t scare me.”


	4. It's Your Birthday, Are You Feeling Alright?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke's Birthday.

_July 16th 2016_

Luke parks the car in front of the office building, cutting the ignition.   
Michael had made a half-hearted attempt at looking for a new apartment, but after a couple of weeks of searching it was clear even a one bedroom flat was out of his price range. Mainly through lack of other options he was still staying a Luke’s place, eating his food, and getting lifts to work from his Soulmate, it was all adorably domestic. 

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me it was your birthday. I would have booked the day off!” He whines. He has been making variations of this argument since last night, when Calum had let slip that today was Luke’s birthday. 

“Honestly babe, it’s fine. I’m not really a birthday person.” Luke assures him as Michael undoes his seatbelt and grabs his rucksack.  
“But still…it doesn’t feel right. You have to let me make it up to you, when I get home.” Michaels says.  
“Fine.” Luke sighs, as Michael climbs out of the car. “But I don’t want a fuss, it’s just a day.”  
“I’ll see you tonight, I’ll bring food.” Michael says, pecking Luke’s cheek and jogging into the office building, making it into work just as the clock ticks over to 9 am. 

Luke sets off back to his house and turns the radio on, tuning it to XFM, and drumming along on his steering wheel, to the Queens of the Stone Age song they’re playing. He’s just getting into the song, belting out the chorus, as the music cuts out, the sound of his phone ringing filling the car. He hits the green button.

“Happy Birthday!” He hears his Mum and Dad’s voices fill the car.  
“Good morning.” He says, smiling at their enthusiasm.  
“I can’t believe you’re actually awake.” His dad says. “I told your mum we’d be waking you up, but she wasn’t having any of it, wouldn’t go to bed until we’d called you.”  
“Well, I can’t not talk to my son on his 20th Birthday, can I?” His mum interjects, sounding indignant.  
“It’s fine.” Luke says, “I was actually awake already.”  
“At…” There is a pause while his dad works out the time difference. “9 Am. must be something good going on today, to get you out of bed this early.”  
“I was just dropping Michael off at work.” Luke says, turning onto the motorway.   
“Who’s Michael?” His mum asks?  
“Just a guy I’ve been seeing.”  
“And he’s staying at your house?” His mum asks.  
“You’re not getting too attached, are you?” His dad asks. “You’re being safe.”  
“Dad, its fine stop fussing. I am 20, I think I’m old enough to have a boyfriend” Luke laughs.   
“Well, I’m your dad, I’ll be fussing over you when your 40.” Andrew laughs.   
“Seriously, though, Luke.” His mum cuts in. “I know when you young, you think you’re different, and you think you’re not going to get tied down to your Soulmate, but it is going to happen to you love, probably quite soon, we’re a family of early bloomers, and I don’t want you, or this Michael getting hurt.”  
“Actually mum…he um...He is my Soulmate...I started seeing colour when I met him…so um yeah…I think…” Luke says, holding his breath as he waits for his parents to respond  
“Oh…congratulations then, mate.” His dad says, brightly.  
“We’ll have to try and get over there, to meet him.” His mum says.  
“Yeah, that would be nice…maybe near Christmas?” Luke asks, hopefully.  
“Not sure we’ll manage Christmas, sport.” His dad says, “Your Gran’s not doing too well, so we’ll probably be having Christmas at hers with your brothers, she’s not really up to travelling anywhere.”  
“Oh, yeah…no that’s fine.” Luke says, deflating a bit. “I’ve got some time off uni in April, if that’s any better?” He suggests.  
“Yeah, we’ll try for April.” His mum says. “Look we’ve got to go, Ben’s got a stag do, some bloke he used to go to school with, and he’ll be over to drop the twins off any minute.”  
“Alright, tell him I said hello.” Luke says. “And Jack, if you see him.”  
“Will do” His dad answers.  
“And give Gran my best.” Luke continues.  
“Of course, love. Happy Birthday.” His mum says.  
“Thanks, bye guys.”  
“Bye.” His parents shout into the phone, before clicking off the line. 

Luke locks his phone, and pulls up to the curb outside his flat. He gets out of the car and lets himself in through the front door, stopping to collect the few birthday cards, and packages which are on the floor, mixed in with the pile of junk mail. He jogs up stairs, toeing off his shoes as he gets into the front room.

He pours himself a bowl of cereal and slumps on to the sofa, flicking through the channels, finally settling on an episode of Jeremy Kyle, bearing the interesting sur-title “You got my baby addicted to cannabis, now prove you’re the father.” 

He sets his cereal bowl on the coffee table and starts opening his small birthday pile.

There’s the usual cards from his various aunties an uncles, with £10 notes stuffed inside, one with a $20 bill, from his mum’s sister, which he’ll have to go and get changed in the week; there’s a card from his Gran, which he can tell has actually been written out by his mum; a jokey card about sibling rivalry, which has been signed by both Ben and Jack, which he would be annoyed about, but there are two £20 notes in there, so his brothers haven’t really been scrimping.

There are three brown paper packages, the first one he opens is a new watercolour palette, from his paternal grandparents; the second a Good Charlotte t-shirt from his mum and dad, and the third the newest All Time Low album, ostensibly from his niece and nephew, but the tag has clearly been filled in by Ben.   
Luke is balancing his cards along the windowsill when Calum emerges from his room, wearing pyjama pants and a Green Day t-shirt, which Luke is sure belongs to him, and still pretty much completely asleep.

“Happy birthday, mate.” Calum smiles, heading across to the kitchenette, to make himself a cup of coffee.  
“Thanks.” Luke says.  
“Get anything good?” Calum asks.  
“Mainly money. Got a t-shirt from mum and dad, All Time Low CD from Ben's kids.”   
“Well, those are both going to be blown out of the water when you open my present.” Calum says, rummaging through the kitchen cupboards.  
“You have not got me a present.”  
“Of course I have!” Calum says. “But first, I’m making breakfast, have you eaten?”  
“I’ve got some cereal.” Luke says.  
“You’re not having cereal for your birthday breakfast.”  
“Why is it a birthday breakfast, it’s just breakfast, Birthdays are just days.” Luke sighs.  
“Shut up, I’m making you pancakes.” Calum says, pulling a pan out the cupboard, and setting about stirring up a batter.  
“I swear to god, you’re trying to fatten me up.” Luke laughs.  
“You caught me, I’m one of those creepy feeders, like on that Channel 4 documentary.” Calum says.  
“Gross.” Luke chuckles. “I feel like that’d be a pretty fun relationship though, you know for the feedee, you’d just get to eat yummy food all the time.”   
“Always looking on the bright side, Lucas.” Calum says, shaking his head, and setting the plate of pancakes on the coffee table.   
“Even when it comes to crazy sex fetishes.” Luke nods. 

Calum laughs, and takes a pancake, shovelling it into his mouth.  
“You eat like a pig.” Luke says… “Actually it’s not even like a pig, it like a fucking vacuum cleaner, you just suck all the food up.”  
“Foods not the only thing I suck.” Calum says with a wink.  
“Gross.” Luke says, shoulder barging him. “Now where’s my present?”  
“Patience, Lucas.” Calum says. “Eat your pancakes.”

Luke does as he’s told, turning to the TV, immersing himself in the tense DNA test results being read out on screen. The heroin addict with no teeth is not the baby’s father, everyone rejoices. 

Once they have finished the pancakes Calum gets up, dumping the empty plates in the sink. He disappears into his bedroom and reappears carrying a card and a badly wrapped present. He hands them to Luke, then sits back on the sofa.

“Go on then, open them.” He says, wiggling his eyebrows.

Luke opens the card first. It is one of those blank art gallery gift shop cards, which Calum must have bought when he was up in Glasgow, visiting his aunt, the design on the front is an Alison Bechdel illustration of a person drawing themselves. There is no message printed inside, but Calum has written “To Lukey, Happy 20th Birthday, You’re getting old! Lots of Love, from Cal x.” 

Luke gets up and balances the card on top of the TV, then sits back on the sofa and sets about unwrapping his present. Before he even peels away the paper he can tell it’s a book. It’s big, at least A4 sized, and hardback. He unwraps it and turns it over so he can see the cover. It’s a colour edition of the first Scott Pilgrim book. Luke beams at Calum.  
“Cal, this is amazing!” He smiles.  
“Well, you’ve already got all the black and white ones, but I thought it might be nice for you to have this version, now you can appreciate it.” Calum says.  
“Thank you.” Luke says pulling his best friend into a hug. “Now since it’s my Birthday, I get to pick what we do, and what I want to do is kick your arse at Mario Kart.”   
“You wish.” Calum says, jumping off the sofa, and crawling behind the TV to plug in the Wii. 

-x-

Luke and Calum are racing along rainbow road for 17th time that day when Michael gets home from work.   
“Honey I’m home.” He says with a giggle, as he lets himself through the door. Luke leaps off the sofa, and bounds over to him, planting a kiss on his cheek  
“What all this?” he asks, motioning to the paper bags Michael is juggling.  
“Well I wanted to make you a birthday dinner, but I’m shit at cooking, so I got Nandos.” Michael said with a sheepish smile.  
“You know me so well, babe” Luke smiles, taking the bag off of Michael and putting it on the kitchen side, pulling two plates out of the cupboard. He dishes out the food, while Michael clears the dining table off, setting it with cutlery, and pouring a glass of wine for himself and Luke. He plugs his I-pod into the speaker dock on the kitchen side, setting the 1975 on shuffle, and wraps his arms around Luke’s waist from behind, nuzzling into his neck as the younger boy dishes out the food.   
“And that’s my cue to leave.” Calum smiles, turning off the TV and heading into his bedroom. “Night guys.”  
“Night.” Luke calls across the flat, placing the food on the dining table and sitting down, opposite Michael. “You really didn’t need to all this.” He says to Michael, as he tucks into his plate of peri-peri chicken.  
“Well, I felt really bad about ditching you today for work, so I kind of had to make it up to you.”   
“Best boyfriend ever.” Luke smiles, stealing a chip of Michael’s plate.  
“Hey…you have your own food!” Michael pouts.   
“Sorry,” Luke grins. “Swapsies?” He asks, offering Michael a sweet potato wedge.  
“I’ll let you off, since it’s your birthday.” He smiles. “I got you a present, by the way.” Michael continues, pulling a tiny blue box out of his pocket, and handing it to Luke. Luke’s heart leaps into his throat.

“Michael, is this a ring? I swear to god, if this is a ring I will punch you in the face, I mean, I know you’re my Soulmate and everything and you’re amazing, but we’ve only been dating for like a month, not even that, and if this is a ring, I will literally punch you.” 

“Just open it.” Michael smiles, shaking his head.

Luke unties the ribbon and opens the box. It’s a little silver deer antler on a long thin chain. 

“Michael, it’s beautiful.” Luke says.  
“Want me to put it on you?” The older boy asks. Luke nods, struggling to put together a sentence. Michael gets up and walks around the table, to stand behind Luke. He takes the necklace from him, fastening it around his neck.   
“Happy birthday, baby.” He murmurs, softly kissing the top of Luke’s head.  
“This is the nicest present anyone has ever got me.” Luke whispers. “I know that sounds stupid, but like, birthdays aren’t a big thing in my family, when there are three kids, they tend to come and go, and I mean the only other person I’ve really got is Cal, so this…Michael this is too much.”  
“No it’s not.” Michael smiles, sitting back down. “You’re amazing, and I wanted to show you how much you mean to me so yeah…hopefully this is the first of many birthdays we’ll spend together, so I wanted to make it special.”  
“You did.” Luke says, getting up to put his empty plate in the sink, taking Michael’s plate from him as well, and rinsing them.   
“It’s not over yet…” Michael says, hugging Luke from behind and pressing a kiss into his neck.  
“Oh really?” Luke asks, turning to face Michael. Michael catches Luke’s lips in a kiss, running his tongue along the younger boy’s lip. Luke bites gently on Michael’s lip, causing the red-head to let out a needy little moan. “What else did you have in mind?”  
“You’ll find out if you come with me to your bedroom…” Michael said, kissing along Luke’s jaw, and pulling him up out of his seat. 

Luke pushes Michael through the bedroom door, pulling off his boyfriend’s singlet as they walk. 

“God, you’re amazing.” Luke breathes, as he pushes Michael up against the bedroom wall. He kisses down Michael’s torso, desperate to get his lips on every part of the boy. Luke drops to his knees, kissing along the curve of Michael’s soft tummy, down the little trail of hair leading from his belly button, along the waistband of his jeans. He moves his lips away for a second, unbuttoning Michael’s fly.

“Nope.” Michael says, pushing the younger boy’s face away from him. “Up, up, up. It’s your birthday, tonight is about pleasing you.” He whispers, as Luke stands up. “On the bed.” he says guiding the blonde over, and spreading him out on the bed. 

He pushes Luke’s black sweater over his head, dropping it on the floor. He runs his hands all over Luke’s chest, not needing to use anything other than his finger tips to reduce the younger boy to a shivering mess.  
“So beautiful.” Michael whispers, before setting to work sucking purple love bites into Luke’s skin. 

By the time Michael pulls off Luke’s jeans the boy is falling apart underneath, moaning, and sweating, every breath coming out as a needy little gasp. Michael dips his hand into Luke’s boxers, releasing his dick from restriction of the fabric. Michael can’t help but marvel at Luke, naked and erect underneath him. His dick is swollen, and red, already leaking pre-come.

“You look so beautiful like this, kitten.” Michael whispers.   
“Mikey, please.” Luke whines, arching his back, rutting against the denim covering Michael’s thigh, desperate for any friction he can get.  
“So desperate.” Michael says, pulling gently at Luke’s hair. “So desperate for me to fuck you, to fill you up…aren’t you?”   
“Please…p…please.”  
“Please what, Lukey?” Michael teases. “Use your words.”  
“Please fuck me.” Luke gasps, as Michael thigh grazes his dick.

Michael shimmies down the bed, spreading Luke’s legs open and positioning himself between them. He bypasses Luke’s dick completely, earning him more needy moans from the blond. He licks a long stripe across Luke’s hole, and up along his taint, causing Luke to let out this desperate little moan which sounds like it is trapped in his throat. Michael continues tonguing at Luke’s hole, covering it with his saliva. He moves off the bed, causing Luke to let an out a breathless whine.  
“Mikey…come back.”   
“I’ll be one second kitten.” Michael reassures him, padding over to the dresser, retrieving a bottle of lube from the draw, and then returning to his position between Luke’s legs. He squirts a dollop of the lube into his palm, spreading it generously over his fingers and Luke’s hole. He looks up at Luke, holding eye contact.   
“You ready, kitten?” Michael asks. Luke Nods.  
As Michael pushes the first finger into Luke, the younger boy lets out a high, breathy moan.  
“God, I love your noises.” Michael sighs. “Can you take another finger, baby?”   
Luke nods, biting down on his bottom lip, and arching his back. Slowly, Michael pushes in a second finger, stretching him open. Luke lets out a gasp, as Michael’s fingers brush his prostate.   
“Make that noise again, Kitten.” Michael smiles, hooking his finger, to catch the bundle of nerves again. Luke whimpers, falling to pieces.  
“Please…Michael, f…fuck me.”  
The filthy words falling from Luke’s mouth send a jolt of arousal running through Michael.   
“One more finger, baby.” Michael grunts, pushing a third finger past the ring of muscle. Michael pushes his fingers in and out of Luke, relishing in the sounds coming from his boy.   
“Michael, please, I need your dick.” Luke moans.  
“So needy, kitten.” Michael whispers, shaking his head, but he tugs off his jeans and boxers. 

He coats his dick, which is painfully hard, with a generous amount of lube, then lines himself up with Luke’s hole, using his hand to guide himself into his hole. 

Luke lets out a series of breathy, little pants as Michael’s dick stretches him open. Michael leans down, catching Luke lips in a kiss. 

“You ready?” He asks.  
“Y…yeah.” Luke exhales. “M…move.”

Michael doesn’t need to be told twice, pushing in an out of Luke’s heat. He feels, the thick tension build inside him, as he increases his speed. Luke lets out moan after moan, as Michael finds the angle which hits that perfect spot every time. 

“Mikey…I’m…I’m going to…”  
“Are you going to come for me, baby?” Michael asks, slowing his thrusts.  
“I…need to, can you touch…”  
“Use your words, kitten.” Michael says, thrusting at a torturously slow pace, hooking Luke legs over his shoulder.  
“Can you touch…my...d…dick.” Luke breathes out.  
Michael wraps his hand around Luke’s dick, pumping up and down, stroking the sensitive head. 

When Luke comes, it’s a spasm which runs right through his body, making him shake and gasp, cum shooting across his stomach.

“Oh my god…Luke…that was so…hot.” Michael gasps, his own climax building.   
“Come inside me.” Luke whispers.  
“You sure?” Michael asks. Luke nods. Michael speeds up as he feels the tension building, knowing he is going to tip over the edge.   
He comes with a guttural moan, filling Luke up.

He falls out of Luke, and back onto the bed. Luke wraps an arm around Michael’s shoulder as they both concentrate on getting their breathing back to a normal rate. Luke turns onto his side, wrapping his arms around Michael, pulling a face as he feels the sticky cum seeping out of him onto the sheets. 

“Best birthday ever.” He breathes, as Michaels snuggles into him.   
“You going to get cleaned up?” Michael asks.  
“Yeah…in a minute…” Luke yawns. 

He asleep before he makes it out of bed to the shower, cum drying on his thigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this update took ages, I have been in Portugal with very little internet...sorry!
> 
> hmu on tumblr: stymshaw-af.tumblr.com


	5. I Can't Find You in the Body Sleeping Next to Me

_August 13th 2016_

Luke flops his head into Michael’s lap, letting out a massive yawn. 

“How many more episodes?” He whines. They are reaching the end of the 3rd season of a Game of Thrones marathon.

“There’s still two whole seasons left.” Michael says, stroking Luke’s hair.  
“I can’t do it.” He says. “I’m going to fall asleep.”  
“Nope.” Michael says, pushing Luke’s head out of his lap. “You promised we could marathon this. You can’t wimp out on me half way through.”  
“But I’m so tired, Mikey.” Luke huffs, dramatically.  
“Well I can fix that.” Michael smiles, getting up of the couch and heading towards the kitchenette. “We’ll get you some coffee, and a couple of pro-plus and you’ll be set for another 20 episodes of medieval fantasy goodness.”

Luke fixes Michael with a fond smile, sitting back up on the sofa and watching his boyfriend dance around the kitchen as he makes coffee. “You’re such a nerd.”  
“Shut up.” Michael smiles over his shoulder. The pair gaze at each other, fondness filling their eyes, until they are interrupted by the front door swinging open, crashing into the adjacent wall with a bang. 

Calum lets himself into the flat, juggling shopping bags. Luke springs up from the couch to help him with his purchases.

“You get anything good?” Luke asks as he and Michael start rummaging through the bags.  
“I swear to god.” Calum sighs, slapping their hands away. “You’re like a couple of 12 year olds…Michael get out. Luke…stop it. Guys I swear, will you just sit down while I put this stuff away.”  
“Fine…dad.” Luke says with a smirk as he heads back to the couch. 

Michael joins him handing him a cup of coffee and pressing two pro-plus into his palm. 

“Come on.” Michael smiles, kissing Luke’s cheek. “Drink up, two more seasons to go. The Red Wedding is next, we need to push forward.”  
“I don’t know…I’ve heard bad things about that episode.”  
“Exactly.” Michael smiles.  
“Are you guys watching Game of Thrones?” Calum asks, collapsing on the sofa, on the other side of Luke, having finished putting away the groceries.  
“Yeah, you want to join us?” Michael offers.  
“Definitely! Can’t think of anything I’d rather do than watch Lukey here suffer through the Red Wedding.”  
“Great minds think alike.” Michael laughs.  
“Guys…I’m feeling kind of victimised here.” Luke said, fixing Michael with a pout.  
“Aww baby, I’ll hold your hand through it all.” Michael teases, wrapping an arm around Luke’s shoulder. 

-x-

Luke wakes up snuggled into someone’s shoulder, the Game of Thrones theme tune looping in the background. 

Luke burrows into what he assumes is Michael’s chest, slowly coming round. He looks up, hoping to wake Michael up and move them into the bedroom. The eyes that meet his are chocolate brown, instead of the blue-green he’s expecting. He has shifted in his sleep snuggling into Calum, who stirs, jerking up off the couch as he realises he has been cuddled into Luke.

“Shit…sorry.” He whispers.  
“It’s okay.” Luke whispers back.

He and Calum start talking over each other.

“I’ll um…I’m just going to…I’ll wake Michael and we’ll…”  
“I’m just going to go to bed…I’ll um…I’ll just.”

They both stop talking, waiting for the other one to carry on. 

“I’m going to bed.” Calum says, with a sheepish little smile.  
“Night Cal.” Luke smiles, waving awkwardly.  
“Night” Calum says, backing up towards his bedroom door, tripping over his own feet. 

“Calum.” Luke says as his flatmate reaches the door.  
“Yeah.” Cal replies turning round to look at Luke over his shoulder.  
“He’s alright isn’t he?” Luke asks, pointing towards Michael. “You like him?”  
“Y…yeah, he’s fine.” Calum mumbles. “He’s nice.”  
“Nice?”  
“I like him.” Calum reassures.  
“Promise?”  
“I promise.”  
Calum slips through his bedroom door, closing it behind him. Luke slumps back onto the sofa, cuddling into Michael’s side.  
-x-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is really short and fillery so I will probably post the next one later today or tomorrow.  
> Feedback is massively appreciated guys, I am a slut for comments.
> 
> hmu on tumblr: stymshaw-af


	6. Reading the Signs of my Body

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically my love letter to the worlds shittest nightclub, Willow, because it is closing on Sunday and I have never been sadder about anything in my life.

_November 2oth 2016_

“The Button down or the sweater?” Luke asks, holding both shirts up on their hangers for Michael to look at.   
“You look great in both.” Michael shrugs. Starting the playlist on his laptop. N*Sync fills the flat.  
“Wow…so helpful.” Luke mutters. “Babe…seriously, N*Sync?”  
“This is a perfectly engineered pre-drinks playlist, thank you.” Michael says, downing the last of a bottle of beer, his third since he got home from work.  
“That starts with N*Sync.” Luke teases, rolling his eyes, and swigging from his own bottle.  
“If you can’t accept my passion for N*Sync, then I don’t see how this relationship can ever work.” Michael huffs.  
Right on cue, Calum sticks his head around the bedroom door, “N*Sync, seriously?” He asks.  
“Why does everyone in this flat have a problem with N*Sync!” Michael whines, kneeling down to pull his DMs out from the bottom of his wardrobe.  
“Cal, while you’re here; the button down, or the sweater?” Luke says, holding both the shirts up.  
“Sweater, it looks really good with your necklace, and a button down with a necklace can look a bit 70s pimp.” Calum says.   
“Thanks” Luke smiles, pulling off his moth-eaten Green Day t-shirt, and pulling on the fine knit, black sweater. 

Michael emerges from the wardrobe, pulling on his boots, and turns to look Luke.

“God, my boyfriend is so handsome.” He smiles, “I’m so fucking lucky.” He says, pulling Luke into a hug, cupping his arse.   
“Fucks sake, guys. I am not spending all night being a third wheel.” Calum scowls.   
“Sorry.” Luke grins, separating himself from Michael. 

“Okay” Michael says, heading through into the front room, suddenly taking charge. “So here’s the plan of action, five shots each before we leave, two vodka, two tequila, one whiskey, that way we will all be buzzed enough that the cheap triples in Stone Roses won’t taste like death.” He says, pouring out six tequila shots. He hands two little glasses to Luke and two to Calum. Luke holds up one of his shot glasses up in a toast.  
“Happy Birthday, Mikey.” He smiles. The other two clink his glass, and they neck both of their tequila shots, grimacing at the sharp taste.   
“Vodka!” Calum smiles, pouring out six more shots.   
Everyone downs their measures, before Luke moves over to the drinks cupboard, pulling out a bottle of Jameson’s.  
“Oh wow…Luke is getting out the Jameson’s” Michael giggles. “I’m honoured.”   
Luke pours out three shots of the whiskey, which they all sink.

The treacly warmth of the whiskey spreads through Luke, making him feel kind of light headed. He noses up against Michael’s shoulder. Michael giggles and ruffles his hair.

“Love you, kitten.” He mumbles, before taking Luke’s hand in his. “Right, let’s go.” He continues, addressing the room. “I only get one 21st and I intend to spend it catastrophically pissed, in York’s finest nightclub.” He says, leading them out, down the stairs and into the street.  
“Willow?” Calum asks, clarifying just where Michael had in mind.  
“Willow!” Michael cheers, raising his arms in victory, pulling Luke’s arms with him and knocking him off balance. Luke collapses in to giggles, as Michael starts chanting. “Willow…Willow…Here we fucking go!” 

“But first” Calum says, guiding his two friends, who are significantly more drunk than he is, due to the fact that they are massive lightweights, down the street towards the bridge. “Let’s get slightly more buzzed, just so that we are on a level where we can truly appreciate Willow.”

Calum manages to get them to Stone Roses, the bar in York which sells the most alcohol for the lowest price (with the exception, of course, of Willow), with fairly little trouble, which is pretty big achievement, considering that trying to get Luke and Michael anywhere is like herding drunk ducks. 

They flash their IDs to the bouncer, and push through the door. Bullet for my Valentine is blasting the through the speakers, and even though the floor, and the tables, and the chairs, are sticky, the pub has a decent atmosphere.

It’s already pretty late in the night, so they have to wait behind a three deep crowd of people before they get to the bar. Luke gets a triple vodka and coke, Calum opts for JD, and Michael gets something pink, he’s not sure what’s in it, but he likes it because it matches his newly dyed hair. 

Miraculously they manage to find a free table, and crowd around it. 

Luke can feel his head getting hazier and hazier, and he’s pretty sure that it is not possible for him to be getting drunk this quickly. He has been matching Calum drink for drink, and Calum seems to be generally in control of his limbs.

“How come you can still stand, and talk, and everything.” Luke asks Calum, leaning against the kiwi’s toned shoulder, in an attempt to prop himself up.  
“Because I can handle my drink.” Calum shouts into Luke’s ear, with a laugh.  
“I am an excellent drinker.” Luke protests, poking Calum’s face. 

Michael hasn’t really touched the weird pink concoction in front of him. His eyes are trained on Luke, who seems to be taking every possible opportunity to touch Calum. He can’t find it in himself to be pissed at Luke, the blond boy is such a cute giggly drunk, literally turning into a baby deer, who has absolutely no control over his never ending limbs, but he can feel himself getting more and more annoyed at Calum, who is practically sober, and should be making more of effort stop Luke from pawing all over him. 

Michael decides he is not spending his 21st Birthday angry, and downs the rest of his drink, letting the giddy, floaty feeling wash over him.

“Willow?” He suggests.  
“I am defidently the right amount of drank for Willow.” Luke says, not quite able to chorale his words into a proper sentence.  
“I think I’m about ready for Willow.” Calum nods. 

The three of them down what is left of their drinks and make their way out of the bar and up the street towards the club. 

The queue only stretches back a couple of doors, a far as the front of the mobile phone shop down the street, which is pretty short for midnight on a Tuesday. Luke, Calum and Mikey join the back of the line. 

Luke is shivering, leaning against Michael, and slurring something about being cold. Michael takes his denim jacket off and slips it around Luke’s shoulder. Luke pulls it on, immediately cheering up, his broad shoulders fill the jacket in a way that Michael’s never could.

Luke has sandwiched himself between Calum and Michael, burying his face in the crook of Michael’s neck, which is quite fortunate really because it means that Michael and Calum can shuffle Luke to the front of the queue, without Luke having to take responsibility for any of his own walking. 

They produce their IDs for the bouncer, and are ushered in. They each press a crumpled £5 note into the hand of the attendant waiting at the bottom of stairs, who stamps their hands as they pass. 

Luke marvels at the fact that his hand has been stamped in green ink, showing Michael, excitement filling his face. Michael laughs fondly, completely besotted with how excited Luke still gets about colour. 

They climb the stairs and enter Willow. 

There are a number of ways to describe Willow. Michael calls it an experience. Calum calls is a school disco and health hazard. 

Willow, which is ostensibly referred to by the people of York as a nightclub, is a disused Chinese restaurant, which at night becomes what is truly the cheesiest, dirtiest, club in the UK, it’s only benefits being that all shots are £1 and you can have as many prawn crackers as you want for free.

When Luke, Michael and Calum enter, the DJ is playing Shakira’s seminal 2006 hit “Hips Don’t Lie” – A crowd favourite. Luke immediately starts to sing along, shaking is hips in a manner that is simultaneously sexy and ridiculous, he heads into the middle of the dancefloor, pulling Michael and Calum in with him. The three of them dance in circle. 

Luke inhibitions are completely gone, and he sings and shakes his hips with complete abandon, Calum’s not quite as uninhibited, but he has an effortless kind of cool which means he can dance to any song, even Shakira, and still look kind of sexy, Michael on the other hand never quite got the hang of dancing whilst sober, and while he’s well past tipsy, he is still not drunk enough to dance. 

“I’m going to get a drink.” He shouts to Luke, over the music. Luke nods, and pulls him into a long, wet kiss. Michael pulls away, smiling, and pecks Luke on the cheek before turning and heading to the bar.

Luke watches Michael walk away, admiring the way his arse sways in time with the music, without him even trying. 

Once Michael is out of sight, Luke turns to Calum, who pulls Luke towards him, placing his hands on his hips. The music changes, and Calum sings along softly, nuzzling Luke’s neck.

“My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard…” he sings, grinding ever so slightly against Luke. 

It shouldn’t be sexy, Luke knows that nothing about this should be sexy. They are in Willow, surrounded by sweaty, straight guys desperate to pull pretty girls, whose standards are too low, “Milkshake” is possibly the least sexy song in the world, and it’s fucking Calum grinding against him, Calum who has known since he was 6 years old, who he has seen playing naked in a paddling pool, there is literally nothing sexy about this situation, but in spite of himself, Luke can feel his dick stirring. 

Calum’s hand wanders down Luke’s back, cupping his arse, squeezing. Their faces are so close, that Luke could just lean in, and they'd be kissing, and Luke doesn’t know why that image keeps flitting through his mind. 

Luke feels a hand in his, and the moment is gone, he turns to see Michael, who does not look happy.   
Michael drags Luke down the stairs and out into the street. 

“Luke what the fuck?” He asks, his voice cracking.  
“We were dancing.” Luke says, the cold November air out in the street making him feel dizzy.  
“I think we should go home.” Michael says, the fresh air having the opposite effect on him, sobering him up almost completely.   
“Nooooo, Mikey” Luke whines. “Come and dance with me!”  
“Luke, you’re really drunk we should go.” Michael says, not letting go of Luke’s hand.  
“But I want to dance.” Luke says. “Calum dances with me, why won’t you dance with me.” Luke asks trying, and failing, to tug Michael back towards the club.   
It’s not until Michael shouts, “Go and fucking dance with Calum then.” Letting go of Luke’s hand, that Luke realises Michael is upset.  
“Mikey.” He says, finally walking away from the club and towards Michael.   
“Look, I’m sorry Luke, I know you’re having fun, but you’re a shit drunk, and I think we should go home.” Michael says. He doesn’t stop walking, Luke has to jog a little to keep up with him.  
“Mikey…Michael wait. Will you talk to me?” Luke says, grabbing Michael’s shoulder and pulling him round to face him. “Michael. Stop and talk to me for fucks sake. What’s wrong?”  
“Nothing…it’s just…watching you grind up on another guy isn’t really how I wanted to spend my 21st.” Michael says, finally looking Luke in the eye.  
“Shit.” Luke says.  
“I know you probably didn’t mean anything by it, and I’m over-reacting…but…”  
“I’m so sorry…I wasn’t even thinking” Luke slurs.  
“It’s just when I saw you, dancing with him…you two looked so good together, and I just thought, why would want me…when you could have Calum.”  
“Calum’s not my Soulmate.” Luke says, with an honest smile. Michael lets a little smile play on his lips. “And okay, maybe objectively, Calum’s hot, but so are you, and you are made for me…meant for me in a whole load of ways Calum isn’t.” Luke says, stroking Michael’s cheek. “So what do you say we go and get a Macca’s, because I don’t know about you, but I really need some food, to soak up all this alcohol, and then we’ll go back to the flat and I will give you your birthday present” Luke says, with a wink, before stage whispering, “Your birthday present is a blowjob.”  
Michael lets out a laugh and nods. “McDonalds and a blowjob sounds good to me.” He smiles, taking Luke’s hand, and walking across the square, towards the illuminated “M” of the McDonalds.   
-x-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments make me super happy, especially constructive feedback that I can use to improve this peice of shit. I feel like this chapter needed to be kind of longer, but it is driving me crazy so I just want to post it and be done with it. 
> 
> hmu on tumblr: stymshaw-af


	7. It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I worte a christmas chapter in July, because I'm christmas trash.

_December 24th 2017_

Luke is woken up around lunchtime, by the sound of someone tumbling through the front door, and things being dropped. He climbs out of bed, shimmying into a pair of kind of clean smelling jeans, and a t-shirt, and heads into the front room, to see what the commotion is. 

The commotion is Michael. He is wearing a hideous red and green Christmas sweater, with a reindeer design on it, the nose of which actually lights up. Luke isn’t sure how there is a demand for such a terrible jumper. 

Michael is juggling at least 12 carrier bags, and a long thin cardboard box. 

“Michael, what is all this?” Luke asks, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.  
“Christmas.” Michael says simply, with a smile, before setting about trying to shove various bags of food, including a turkey – which Luke has no clue how he managed to get on Christmas Eve – into their little freezer. “I was feeling kind of shitty that we can’t afford to go home, and you’re not going to get to see your Gran and stuff, so I thought we’d have our own Christmas.”   
“You really go all out for holidays, don’t you?” Luke says, with a fond smile, remembering the fuss Michael made of his Birthday, and Halloween, and even bloody bonfire night, thinking about it.  
“It’s important to make memories.” Michael says, using his shoulder to push the overfilled freezer draw shut. “Now help me put the tree up.”  
“You got a tree?” Luke said, starting to feel a little bubble of Christmassy excitement rise up inside him.   
“Of course I got a tree, it’s not Christmas without a tree.” Michael says, opening the thin cardboard box, unpacking the plastic tree. “I think here?” Michael says, moving the dismantled Christmas tree into the far corner of the living room.   
“Looks good.” Luke says, opening up Spotify on his phone, and setting a Christmas playlist on shuffle. He heads across the room, kneeling down next to Michael, who is slotting the Christmas tree together, and connecting up the fairy lights which have been strung through it.

It’s the first time Luke has seen a Christmas tree which is actually green, with all it it’s multi-coloured lights, twinkling. Even though this is his first Christmas in colour, Luke gets this warm feeling of familiarity, like he knows this is how Christmas was always supposed to look, even if it didn’t actually look like this. 

He gets the same feeling of warm comfort when he looks over at Michael, whose face is shining red, and blue, and green, in the glow from the fairy lights, as he unpacks a box of little plastic baubles. It hits him the Michael is the person he is meant to be spending all these important moments with, even if he didn’t know it until 6 months ago. Michael plants a kiss on Luke’s cheek, and wraps a string of tinsel around his shoulders.

“You weren’t looking festive enough.” He says, with a giggle. 

They spend the next few hours decorating. Luke balances a star on top of the tree, and then sets about tacking tinsel up, around the walls, while Michael sits cross legged in the middle of the floor, sticking bits of gold and silver paper together into a paper chain. Once the paper chain is meters longer than they will ever need it to be Michael hands it off to Luke to stick up, then heads over to the kitchenette, heating a pan of Milk over the stove and pulling hot chocolate powder out of the cupboard. He mixes the milk and the powder together, adding a few pumps of caramel syrup – one of his impulsive Christmas purchases – and topping the drinks of with a swirl of squirty cream. He settles on the sofa, handing one of the mugs to Luke, who has finished strewning Michael’s ridiculously long paper chain across the room.

“It looks like Christmas.” Luke says, with a smile, taking a sip of hot chocolate. He picks up the remote and flicks through the TV channels, eventually finding one which is playing Love Actually. They snuggle together watching the movie and drinking their hot chocolates, Michael occasionally pinching sweets from the tub of Celebrations which is open on the coffee table.

Luke is the first one to notice the little fluffs of white swirling around in the window, behind the TV.

“Mikey, look.” He whispers. “It’s snowing.” His eyes are wide with wonder, as he watches the snowflakes swirl on the wind.  
“Cool.” Michael smiles, his eyes not leaving the TV.  
“I want to go out in it…come on!” Luke begs, fixing Michael with a pout.  
“It’s just snow, Luke. It will be all cold and wet.” Michael says, popping the last malteaser Celebration in his mouth.  
“Please, Mike. Come on…you’re the one that’s all about Christmas fun.” Luke says, tugging gently at Michael’s jumper.  
“Wait” Michael says, turning to look at Luke. “Is this first time you’ve seen snow?”  
Luke nods, with an embarrassed little smile. “Well obviously is doesn’t snow in Sydney, and this is my first Christmas here, I went home last year.”  
“That’s adorable.” Michael smiles, pausing the movie and jumping off the couch “Come on then, let’s go and make snowman” he smiles.

Luke all but runs into the bedroom, pulling on a hoodie, and digging his hat and scarf out of the wardrobe. He joins Michael back in the entryway, pulling on his coat. Michael is completely bundled up, a grey beanie pulled over his hair, which is currently a festive shave of green, and a long scarf wound around most of his face. 

“Come on then.” He says, his voice muffled by the scarf, holding out a gloved hand to Luke, and leading them down the stairs and out into the street. 

They walk towards the centre of town, Luke throwing his head back and sticking out his tongue to catch the snowflakes.

“Luke, you look mental.” Michael says, with a little laugh.  
“It’s snowing.” He smiles, practically skipping towards the Minster. 

When they reach the Minster the sight of it, topped with a dusting of snow, makes Luke feel all warm. “It looks like a Christmas card.” He says, to Michael, who pulls him into a hug, placing a gentle kiss on his lips.  
“I love you” Michael says, bluntly, almost not realising he has said. Luke’s heart jumps in his chest and he can’t speak right away.   
“I don’t need you to say it back or anything.” Michael continues hastily. “But I couldn’t not say it…I really love you.”  
“Mikey…” Luke starts.  
“Sorry.”  
“No, it’s okay.” Luke smiles, squeezing his hand. “I love you too.”  
“Yeah?” Michael asks, his eyes wide, like he’s not sure he can trust his own ears.   
“Yeah.” Luke assures him, giving him a quick kiss, before bending to scoop together a snowball and smashing it into Michael’s back, and running away.   
“You’re going to pay for that.” Michael smiles, scooping up a handful of snow, and throwing it towards Luke, before chasing after him. 

Pretty soon it’s an all-out snowball fight, which doesn’t end until Michael pushes Luke down into the soft snow, covering his face in kisses.

“We calling a truce?” Michael asks, slotting his leg between Luke’s thighs.  
“Yeah, I think so…” Luke smiles, kissing the spot behind Michael’s ear, which he knows drives him crazy. Michael, can feel a thick heat building in his stomach, and his dick twitches.  
“I think we should head back to the flat.” He whispers. “Because I feel like Christmas Eve is not the day to get arrested for having sex around the back of a cathedral.”  
“Plus, it’s way too cold for that.” Luke laughs. “Like, I’d be kind of worried my dick was going to freeze off.”  
“Come on, weirdo.” Michael laughs, climbing up off of Luke, and helping him up. “Let’s get home.”  
“Okay.” Luke says, stopping to suck a purple bruise into the skin behind Michael’s ear lobe. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen Michael move as fast as he does on the way back to the flat.

The heating is off when they get back to the flat, so it’s not actually much warmer than it was outside. Luke whacks up the thermostat before pulling Michael into their bedroom. They strip off the multiple layers of clothing hastily, until they are both stood shivering in their boxers.

“In the bed?” Luke asks, his teeth chattering.  
“Definitely.” Michael nods, crawling under the duvet and pulling Luke in close to him. Michael shifts so that he is on top of Luke, grinding against him.  
“Mike…Michael, stop.” Luke giggles. “My leg isn’t under the duvet…it’s too cold.” 

Michael collapses down on to him, laughing, and pulling the duvet around them.

“Is it actually possible that it is too cold for sex?” He asks.  
“I think it might be.” Luke says gravely.   
“Hot chocolate and snuggles?” Michael asks, pulling his hideous reindeer jumper back on. Luke nods, pulling on his hoodie and a pair of flannel pyjama pants.   
“Can we watch Home Alone?” He asks, wrapping himself up in the duvet.  
“Of course we can, I’ll get the laptop.” Michael smiles, kissing the top of Luke’s head and disappearing into the lounge. He returns moments later, juggling the laptop and two mugs of hot chocolate.  
“I’m going to get fat if I keep drinking this much hot chocolate.” Luke says, pinching at the little pudge, forming around his tummy.  
“That’s the whole point of Christmas.” Michael says, as he opens up Netflix, scrolling until he finds the right movie. 

Luke is asleep before the movie is even halfway through, wrapped around Michael, sucking his thumb. Michael reaches over and closes the laptop, setting it on the floor, before snuggling back down next to Luke, slowing his breathing until their inhales and exhales are in time, and he is drifting off to sleep as well. 

-x-

Even though Luke is 20 years old, and notionally and adult, who should definitely be past the Christmas-morning-excitement phase of his life, he jerks awake at 8 am, with this bubbly feeling of excitement. He gently nudges his sleeping boyfriend’s shoulder. 

“Mikey…Mikey, wake up.”  
“M’sleeping.” Michael mumbles, not opening his eyes.  
“Michael, get up, it’s Christmas.” Luke whines, getting out of bed, and tugging Michael’s arm.  
“Okay…okay. I’m up.” Michael grumbles, climbing out of the bed, and following Luke into the lounge. 

“I’m going to go and get your presents.” Luke smiles, heading into Calum’s bedroom, pulling Michael’s presents out from the wardrobe, where he’s hidden them. 

As he is leaving he spots on an envelope lying on Calum’s bed, “Luke x.” Is written across it. 

Luke sits on the bed, setting Michael’s presents next to him. 

He opens the envelope, there are two pieces of paper inside. The first is a note written in Calum’s neat, cramped handwriting, it says; “Luke, this was supposed to be your birthday present, but he didn’t get back to me in time, so it’s had to wait until Christmas. Have a good holiday, I’m pretty sure I would be having a lot more fun down there with you than up here with my family. Merry Christmas. Lots of Love, from Cal x.” 

He sets the note to one side and unfolds the other piece of paper. Its song lyrics, handwritten in a loopy script that Luke doesn’t recognise. The words are hard to make out, but eventually Luke figures that they are the lyrics to “Missing You” By All Time Low. The initials A.W.G are scrawled in the corner, and when he turns it over, Luke sees a big scrawl of a signature across the back of the page. It has been signed, by Alex Gaskarth. His hands shaking slightly Luke pulls his phone out of his pocket, dialling Calum’s number. 

Calum picks up on the first ring. “Merry Christmas, Lukey.” He shouts cheerfully, into the phone.   
“How did you get these lyrics?” Luke asks, his brain too frazzled to make small talk.  
“You found your present then?”   
“How did you get them?”  
“One of my tutors worked with All Time Low a few years ago, I mentioned to him that you were a fan of them and he gave me Alex’s e-mail address. I thought there’s no harm in trying, so I sent him a message, asking if he could send me a copy of the lyrics for you.”  
“Why are you so good at presents, Cal? You make me look like shit, all I got you was a C.D!”   
“What can I say, I’m just a more thoughtful friend than you.” Calum laughs.   
“Look, dude, I’ve got to go, me and Mikey are about to open presents.” Luke says. “But seriously, thank you, for the lyrics. They’re amazing.”   
“You’re welcome, tell Mikey Merry Christmas from me.” Calum says.  
“Will do, give your family my love.” Luke says.  
“Bye.” Calum says.  
“Talk to you later.” Luke says, clicking off the line. 

He folds the lyrics, and Calum’s note, into the envelope, and tucks it into his pocket. He gathers up Michael’s presents and heads back into the lounge. 

Michael is knelt by the tree, arranging Luke’s presents, and the few brown paper parcels which had arrived in the post over the past couple of days, underneath it. Luke joins him, piling Michael’s presents up next to his.

“Everything okay?” Michael asks, kissing Luke’s cheek.  
“Yep.” Luke says with a smile. “I was just on the phone to Calum, wishing him a Merry Christmas and stuff.”  
“Cool, oh don’t forget to ring your parents later.” Michael says, getting up to take the waffles he is making out of the toaster.   
“I won’t” Luke says, crossing the room to set the dining table for breakfast. 

Michael places the waffles on a plate in the middle of the table, and pulls a carton of orange juice and a bottle of champagne out of the fridge. Luke grabs two champagne flutes from the glass cupboard and joins Michael at the table.

“Champagne, really?” Luke asks raising an eyebrow, “It’s not even 10am yet.”  
“The whole point of Christmas is to keep a steady flow of food and alcohol entering your body, from when you wake up until you go to bed.” Michael says, pouring champagne into both glasses, topping them up with orange juice. “Plus, I’m mixing it with orange juice, which is a breakfast drink.”  
“You have a drinking problem.” Luke laughs, clinking Michael’s glass against his and sipping from it, before setting to work on the waffles in front of him. “Mmmm, these waffles are insane.” He says, his mouth full of food.  
“Right” Michael says, “Who knew toaster waffles could actually taste nice.” 

Luke bolts down three waffles at record speed.

“Right, we’ve had breakfast. Present time.” He says, his face lighting up like a little kid.  
“Yeah okay.” Michael says, getting up from the table and dumping the used dishes in the sink. “Present time.”

Luke sits cross legged by the tree, organising the gifts under it into a pile for him and pile for Michael.   
His pile is mostly gifts from Michael, but there is an amazon package from Ben, and two presents which have been shipped in the same jiffy bag from his parents and Jack, plus a big padded envelope of cards forwarded to him from his mother. 

Michael’s pile is slightly bigger, he has the same amount of presents from Luke, but he also has a pretty sizable pile of gifts which have been sent over by his mum and dad, the perks of being an only child. 

Michael turns the TV on, finding a music channel which is playing Christmas songs, then joins Luke on the floor, handing him a lumpy, badly wrapped gift.

“You have to open this one first” He says. 

Luke sets to work tearing away the paper, inside is the most hideous Christmas jumper Luke has ever seen. It is bright red, with little green snowflakes all over it, and a huge fluffy penguin stitched onto the chest. 

“I love penguins.” He beams, pulling the jumper on.  
“I know.” Michael smiles. “That’s why I got it for you.” 

He tucks an arm around Luke, once the younger boy is wearing the fluffy monstrosity, then pulls out his phone and takes a selfie. They are smiling like idiots at the camera, and the picture comes out kind of blurry, because Michael is giggling and it shakes the phone, but he thinks it looks perfect. 

The pair spend the rest of the morning opening presents; Luke gets the rest of the Scott Pilgrim colour editions from Michael, a sketchbook from his mum and dad, a watch from Jack and Green Day’s live DVD from Ben and the kids. Michael gets a record player and a bunch of old punk albums on vinyl from his mum and Dad, and Ramones shirt, a new guitar strap and a bar for his eyebrow piercing from Luke.

After the presents have been unwrapped Michael heads into the kitchen, pulling the turkey out of the freezer, and staring it at, as if he’s in a stand-off against it.

“How the fuck do I cook this?” He asks, not that Luke is any better equipped to roast a turkey.   
“How would I know?” Luke shrugs, “Google it?”   
“We didn’t think this through, did we?” Michael says, using his phone to search for instructions.  
“It can’t be that difficult” Luke says joining Michael in the Kitchen, and finding a roasting tin to put the turkey in. “Just find out how long it needs cooking for, and what temperature is needs to be.” Michael does as he told, as Luke sets about rubbing olive oil into the turkey, he’s not sure it’s necessary, or even helpful, but it’s the kind of thing he thinks he seen his mum do. Michael tells him the results of his google searches, and Luke crams the turkey into their tiny oven, setting it off to cook.

“What a team.” He says, high fiving Michael.   
“We are pretty incredible.” Michael laughs.

They spend the next couple of hours, while they are waiting for the turkey to cook, lounging on the sofa watching bad Christmas editions of Doctor Who and Mrs Brown’s Boys, and grazing on celebrations. Luke christens his new sketchbook, filling a page with little pencil studies of Michael. 

Luke’s parents ring just after one o’clock, and he gets a garbled speakerphone conversation with his tipsy extended family, which is all but incomprehensible. 

Michael rings his Mum and Dad, who seem to be having a pretty quiet Christmas without him. 

The turkey, miraculously, turns out okay, if a little dry. The rest of the dinner is fairly easy to cook, most of it being pre-packed trimmings, which can just be heated up in the microwave. 

By the time they’ve finished the Christmas dinner, Luke and Michael have fallen into a lull, too full of food to manage anything other than cuddling into each other on the sofa and watching Elf. Michael reaches for the tub of Celebrations on the coffee table, which is mostly filled with empty wrappers at this point.

“How do you have space for more food?” Luke says, marvelling at Michael’s capacity to eat.  
“I’m like a squirrel, storing up, before I hibernate for the winter.” Michael smiles, chewing on one of the tiny mars bars.   
“Hibernation sounds good right about now.” Luke says, stretching out across Michael’s lap, it’s not long before they’re both asleep on the sofa, way too tired make it to their bed. 

-x-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy people are reading this and enjoying it, remember I'm always a slut for comments
> 
> hmu on tumblr: stymshaw-af


	8. We Keep This Love in a Photograph

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is super short, but I really like it.

_January 25th 2016_

When Calum gets in from his lecture he’s pretty disappointed, his 21st birthday has passed without note. Other than a phone call from his Mum, Dad and Mali at 6 am that morning – they still aren’t used to the time difference – and a few cards in the post, his birthday hadn’t been much different from any other day.

He lets himself into the flat, and finds Luke curled up on the sofa, watching a re-run of How I Met Your Mother and eating vegemite, from the jar, with a spoon. He sits on the sofa, shuffling Luke up to one end.

“Mikey about?” Calum asks, propping his feet up on the coffee table.  
“Nah, he’s on a night shift.” Luke says, offering Calum the vegemite spoon. Calum pulls a face.  
“You feeling homesick?” He asks, motioning at the vegemite jar.  
“Little bit, not really, just wish I could be a closer to my Gran, you know. I worry something will happen and I’ll be stuck here.”  
“She still not doing well?” Calum asks, resting his head on Luke’s shoulder.  
“Not really.” Luke says, with a shrug. The two sit quietly for a few moments, concentrating on the TV, Luke can’t really think about anything other than the steady pressure of Calum’s cheek on his shoulder. 

“Shit, I still need to give you your birthday present.” He says eventually.  
“You didn’t need to get me birthday present.” Calum says.  
“Are you kidding me, Mr Birthday waffles-colour editions of Scott Pilgrim-handwritten letters from Alex Gaskarth? I’ve got a lot of catching up to do on the present front.” Luke says, getting up off the sofa, and heading into his bedroom. 

He reappears a minute later carrying a gift bag. “I’m shit at wrapping paper, so I just put it in a bag thingy, I hope that’s okay.” He says.  
“It’s fine.” Calum says, reaching into the bag and pulling out what looks like a photo album. 

Calum immediately recognises the picture stuck on the front, a photo of himself and Luke, taken at his 10th birthday party. They’re both giving the camera big, gap-toothed smiles, their arms flung around each other shoulders. 

“Aw, I remember this day. Your mum took you for a haircut the day before, and it went horribly, you nearly didn’t make it to the party, you wouldn’t leave the house, because of your hair. Liz went mental.” He says, laughing at the memory.

As he looks closely at the picture he realises it isn’t a photograph, but a drawing, the photograph painstakingly recreated in pencil and watercolour. “Did you draw this?” He asks Luke. Luke nods. Calum flicks through the album, it’s full of drawings, pictures from their childhood, of the two of them, their families, and their pets, all carefully drawn out and painted. 

“Luke this is amazing.” Calum smiles. “It must have taken you forever.”  
“Kind of” Luke smiles, “It wasn’t too bad, I was originally going to just stick the pictures in, but loads of them got lost over the years, or I only have digital copies or whatever, so yeah, I did this.”  
“I can’t believe you did this for me.” Calum says, shaking his head and flicks through the pictures again and again.  
“And um, they’re all in colour.” Luke says. “So that when you get colour, because you will –I’m sure you’re going to get it soon – you can look at this, and see our childhood the way it actually was.”

Calum heart feels like it’s doubling in size, and this weird sensation is filling him up, like he’s maybe going to cry. He pulls Luke into a hug. “Thank you.” He whispers into Luke’s neck. 

Calum’s breath on his neck sends a shiver through Luke, and he pulls away from his friend.

“I um…I’m going to bed.” He says, with a small smile. “I said I’d pick Mikey up from work, so I need to be up early, but you know, happy birthday, mate.”  
“Yeah you too…um…I mean…thanks. Night, Luke.” Calum says, his voice shaky.  
“Night.” Luke says, disappearing into his bedroom and closing the door behind himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These cute fricking australians! There might be a bit more a wait for the next couple of chapters because I haven't finished writing them yet, but after that it shoud be back on track until the end.
> 
> hmu on tumblr: stymshaw-af


	9. How Strange the Change from Major to Minor

_February 14th 2017_

Luke’s hair isn’t behaving, he just can’t get it to fall into its usual quiff. With a huff he squashes it flat, starting again. Just as he manages to get it to stay in sort of the right place, his phone buzzes, Michael’s face flashes across the screen.

“Hello.” He says, balancing the phone between his ear and his shoulder as he continues to fuss with his hair.  
“Hi babe.” Michael says, it sounds more like a question than a greeting.   
“What’s wrong?” Luke asks, immediately sensing that something isn’t right with Michael.  
“Nothing, everything’s fine…I just, we might have to push dinner back, just until tomorrow or something.”   
“Oh.” Luke says, his heart sinking a little bit. “What’s happened?”  
“I’ve just got a mountain of work to sort out.”

Luke sighs. 

Michael had been made a manager, at the crisis hotline where he worked, a couple of weeks ago. Luke was trying to be happy for him, it meant security, and paying the rent had certainly gotten a lot easier – plus it meant that Michael had a permanent job helping and counselling people, which he was good at, and really enjoyed - but Luke was pretty sure he hadn’t seen his boyfriend for more than half hour since the promotion had happened.

“It’s fine love, I can ring them and cancel.” Luke says, trying not to let his disappointment colour his voice.   
“I’m so sorry” Michael says, “You know if there was any way I could get out of this I would, but I’m still in like a probationary period, so I need to make a good impression and…”  
“It’s fine.” Luke says, shortly, switching off as Michael launches into a huge rant about his various colleagues, not tuning back in until he hears the older boy say “Listen Lukey, I have to go, but I promise I’ll make this up to you.”  
“It’s honestly okay.” Luke says.  
“I love you.” Michael says.  
“Love you too, babe. I’ll probably be asleep when you get in, but I’ll leave you some food in the fridge or something.”   
“Thanks, beautiful.” Michael says hanging up. 

Luke heads out of his bathroom, dropping his phone on the bed. He shimmies out of his skinny jeans, switching them for a pair of Calum’s pyjama pants, which had somehow got mixed up in his laundry. He takes off black sweater, and pulls on an oversized white sweater of Michael’s, the neck of which is all stretched out, so it falls off one of his shoulders, he buries his nose in the fabric, breathing in the smell of his Soulmate. 

He pads out into the front room, which is empty, heading over to the kitchen counter in the corner, taking a half-eaten jar of vegemite from the top shelf, and a teaspoon from the cutlery draw. 

He curls up on the sofa, grabbing his laptop from the coffee table, and booting it up, then navigating to Netflix. He chooses Mean Girls, it’s pretty much his go to bad mood film. He connects his laptop to the TV and sits back, tucking into his vegemite as Lindsay Lohan talks about how home-school kids are weirdly religious.

-x-

The vegemite jar is almost empty, and Rachel McAdams has just been hit by a bus, when Calum tumbles through the door, weighed down by library books, and dead tired. 

“Hey.” Luke shouts, not turning to look at flatmate.   
“Hi.” Calum says, as he dumps the ridiculous pile of law textbooks by the front door and flops down next to Luke on the sofa. “You know back in sixth form, when I decided it was a good idea to do a law degree?”   
“Yeah?” Luke says, his eyes not leaving the screen.  
“Why did you let me make that decision?” Calum laugh, rolling his neck around, the tired joints audibly creaking and popping. Luke laughs quietly. Calum turns to look at the younger boy, then follows his gaze to the TV. “You’re watching Mean Girls?” 

Luke nods. 

“What’s wrong?”  
“Nothing.” Luke says, scraping the last bits of vegemite from the bottom of the jar.  
“You’re eating vegemite from the jar, and watching Mean Girls. Somethings up.”  
“Its fine, I’m just being stupid.”   
“Why don’t you let me decide that?”  
“I really am though, I’m making such a fuss over nothing.”   
“I’m sure you’re not.”  
“Michael stood me up.”  
“He what?”  
“Well not really stood me up, but, you know, cancelled on me.”  
“Aw, Lucas.” Calum says, pulling the blonde boy into a hug.   
“We were supposed to go for dinner, you know for Valentines, he’d booked a table at Strada weeks ago, but he had to stay late at work.”  
“And you’re letting the table go to waste?” Calum says, indignant.  
“Well yeah, but that’s not really the point…”  
“Get dressed, Lucas.” Calum says, chivvying Luke up off the couch.   
“Cal, what are you…”  
“People wait months for a table at that place, Luke, we’re not wasting it because you boyfriend is chained to his desk, and you’re throwing yourself a pity party.”   
“Calum, I know you’re trying to help but…”  
“Shut up, get dressed, I’m taking you for dinner.” Calum says, planting a quick kiss on his friend’s cheek, and disappearing into his room. 

Luke trudges into his room, feeling slightly bewildered. He can still feel the Calum’s kiss on his cheek, tingling.

He pulls back on the skinny jeans he had abandoned earlier in the night, and chooses a short sleeved black button down shirt from his wardrobe. He shoots a quick look in the mirror at his hair, but decides it’s a lost cause and leaves it flat. He pulls on his dress shoes, which are kind of scuffed and worse for wear but really comfy, and heads into the front room, where Calum is waiting for him. 

Luke’s stomach does this weird kind of crunching thing when he sees Calum, if he’s being totally honest with himself, the older boy looks hot. 

Calum has done something to his usually unruly hair, and it’s not exactly straight, but it seems kind of in order. He’s wearing a white shirt which stretches just a little too much over his shoulders and chest, Luke realises he never noticed just how broad Calum has become. The sleeves of his shirt are rolled up, just letting the tattoos littering his forearm peek out. 

Luke mentally pinches himself, forcing his brain back into the room.

“We ready to go?” He asks Calum, with a smile that only looks a little bit weird.  
“Yep” Calum says, bright, his smile splitting his face in two.   
Calum’s hand ghosts over the small of Luke’s back as he guides the younger boy down the stairs and out into the street.

-x-

The restaurant is tucked away down as street neither Calum nor Luke have seen before, it’s actually kind of a miracle they managed to find it. A busker has taken up residence on the opposite street corner, softly picking at an acoustic guitar and singing an Ed Sheeran song, clearly hoping to take advantage of the Valentines couples. There’s a soft, warm light filling the street, and a chill in the air just wrong side of brisk, which Calum uses as an excuse to cwtch a bit closer into Luke’s side. 

“I think this is it.” Luke says, gesturing to the glass fronted restaurant which is filled with couples. Calum leads them through the door, his hand placed gently in the small of Luke’s back. The soft pressure of Calum’s palm makes him shiver slightly.

A tall, severe looking woman, with long dark hair scraped back into a flawless ponytail, greets them.

“Do you have a reservation, gentlemen?” The waitress asks them, fixing a forced smile onto her face.   
Luke nods.

“It…um should be under Clifford?” Luke says, feeling slightly guilty as he remembers Michael, stuck at work.

“Right this way,” The waitress says, with a serene smile, leading through the restaurant. 

The restaurant itself is incredible, all white linen and crystal clear glass. The centrepiece of the venue is large, bare tree, whose branches stretch across the ceiling. Fairy lights have been strung between the branches, filling the room with a warm pale yellow glow. 

Calum and Luke are shown to a table, tucked away in the corner, and handed two menus. 

“Can I get you some bread and olives while you make up your minds?” The waitress asks.

Calum nods and she disappears. 

“This place is so fancy…” Luke mumbles, picking nervously at the bracelets around his wrist. “I feel kind of out of place.”  
“Don’t be daft.” Calum smiles. “Just concentrate on me, it’s just you and me hanging out, yeah?”   
“Yeah.” Luke says, a small smile playing on his lips. 

He’s trying not to notice, but Calum looks ridiculously beautiful in the half light of the restaurant. 

Luke is sure that it’s just the romantic jazz standards playing through the restaurant’s sound system and the hazy Valentine’s day atmosphere playing with his head, but for one bizarre, mental moment he thinks that he pretty glad he ended up here with Calum instead of Michael. He tries to dismiss the thought as some kind of momentary insanity, and pulls his eyes away from Calum’s face, focussing intently on his menu. 

“So what are you going to get?” Luke says, still not quite able to look at Calum. 

-x-

Michael hits save on the report he has been working on and shuts down his computer, heaving out a sigh. 

The office is empty, and almost pitch black. The only other people still in the building are the night shift operators, who have disappeared in search of coffee or something. 

It’s silent, apart from some cheesy 80s love song trickling from the radio, and Michael is just about the to take off his headset and call it a night – head back to the flat and try and make things up to Luke – when the shrill ringing of the phone fills the room. 

He gives it minute, hoping one of the night shift kids will reappear and he will be free to go, but when no else takes the call Michael sighs and hits the accept call button on his headset. 

“Hi, you’re through to the Nightline crisis prevention hotline, can we help you at all?”

“I um…I’m just not doing too great at the minute, and I think I need to talk to someone.” Says a voice, which is weirdly familiar to Michael.  
“Well that’s we’re here for.” Michael says, keeping his voice even and friendly. “Can I ask your name?”  
“It’s um…Ashton, Ashton Irwin.” 

Michael heart drops into his fucking feet, of course he recognised the voice.

“And um…what made you call us tonight, Ashton?” Fighting to keep his voice steady, praying that Ash wouldn’t realise who he was actually talking to. 

“I guess…I’ve just had kind of a shitty year and it all just sort of hit me tonight, and I don’t know why I’m even still here, and everything is just starting to feel a bit pointless, and being on my own with my thoughts was starting to drive me crazy, so I think I just wanted to talk to someone” Ashton says, his voice is high and fast, and Michael can tell he is panicking.

“Alright Ash…Ashton, slow down. Why don’t you start from the beginning, and just try and talk through with me why you think you’re feeling like this.”

“Okay so um…my boyfriend left me…cheated on me really, last June.”

Michael stays silent, hearing what he did, stated so bluntly like that, brings the twist of guilt, which he hasn’t felt for months, back to his stomach. 

“And I guess…I mean…we weren’t Soulmates, you know, so there was always this little voice in the back of my mind, you know, saying that it wasn’t going to work, that he was going to leave, and the guy…this Luke guy…well, my ex said that they were Soulmates, so it makes sense and I didn’t expect him to choose me or anything, obviously, but yeah.”

Michael can hear the tears building up in Ashton’s voice. 

“It’s okay, Ash, I’m here, I’m listening.” Michael says, it was he’s been trained to say, and it helps, that he has something of a script to follow, because he is not sure how he would ever convey to Ashton how fucking horrible he feels about what he did, in his own words.

“So yeah, that was really shitty. And since he left, I haven’t really been seeing anyone else, I mean I don’t think I could, I don’t think I ever fully got over him. And it doesn’t bother me most of the time, but you know, around this time of year, it just reminds me how fucking lonely I am. Like he was a lot of my reason for being here, being in York, like I have a shitty job, I’m not at uni or anything, I never really got to know anyone here, because I was so wrapped up in Michael, that’s…um…that’s my ex. So um…yeah, I just kind of got thinking about how there’s not really anything left here for me, without him, and yeah…”

“He sounds like an absolute shit.” Michael says, deviating from the recommended responses.

“Yeah kind of.” Ashton says with small laugh. 

That little laugh fills Michael’s stomach with butterflies, and he wants so badly to tell Ashton that it’s him, to just talk to him, like normal.

“The worst thing is though,” Ash continues, “He’s not a shit, not realy, I don’t blame him, really. I think…I don’t think either of us really thought about, really realised how strong the Soulmate bond is. You can’t know, can you? Before it happens to you, you can’t understand what it’s like. And obviously I don’t know, because I haven’t met my Soulmate, but I think if it had been the other way around I’d have done the same thing. So I can’t even really be mad at him.”

Michael can feel tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, and he wants so badly to tell Ashton that it’s him, but he knows that if he said his name this delicate little conversation they have managed would shatter. 

“I mean, I think…I don’t think he lied, you know, when we were together.” Ashton is crying now, Michael can hear it, and a tiny part of him wants to take Ash in his arms and kiss the tears away. “I think he did love me…it was just in a different way, you know?”

“Yeah.” Michael says, almost silently “Yeah I did love you.”

“Michael?” Ash says, his voice shaking.

Michael hits the red end call button, without really thinking. Almost immediately a huge part of him wishes he stayed on the phone. 

He clicks his mobile, so it displays the time; 10.30. 

He thinks of Luke, probably curled up on the sofa, miserable, eating vegemite from the jar, and a bigger part of him is glad he hung up the phone, anxious to get home to his Soulmate. 

-x-

The food is amazing and by the time they are finishing up their third course, a shared chocolate soufflé with mint ice cream, Luke is pretty sure he is never going to need to eat again. 

Luke leans in close to the middle of the table spooning the pale green ice cream into his mouth.

“This is the best ice cream I’ve ever tasted.” Luke says through mouthfuls of food. 

When he looks up, Calum’s face is inches from his. Luke can feel Calum’s breath on his face, it’s cold and fresh from the ice cream. Luke feels like he should probably move away, but he doesn’t. He stays leaning there, eyes locked on Calum’s.

“I’ve had a really great night.” Calum says, his smile making his eyes go all crinkly. 

“Me too. Thanks, for not letting me sit in feeling sorry for myself.”

“Hey this was as much for me as it was for you.” Calum says. “This is literally the best meal I’ve ever had.”

Luke laughs. He can feel Calum’s eyes on him, and they should be making him feel uncomfortable, but they’re not. 

Calum stretches out one of his legs, and his toes brush against Luke’s. Luke can feel the gentle pressure of Calum’s foot against, he’s never been more aware of anything in his life. He knows he should pull his leg away, but instead he gently strokes his own foot up and down the bottom of Calum’s leg. Calum’s breath catches in his throat, but he doesn’t look away from Luke. 

“We should…um…we should get the bill.” The kiwi boy says, downing what is left of his glass of red wine. 

Luke nods, and beckons the waitress over, his foot never losing contact with Calum’s.

The waitress places the cheque on the table, and Calum’s looks at it, places a few notes on the table, before Luke even gets a chance to see it.

“What do I owe?” Luke asks.  
“My treat.” Calum says. “I’m a gentleman, I always pay for my dates.” It’s meant to be a joke, but in the thick tension between them, it doesn’t really feel like one.   
“So this was a date?” Luke asks, in spite of himself.  
“It kind of felt like one.” Calum says, feeling weirdly confident. “Come on, we should probably try and get home before Michael gets back.”

The mention of Michael’s name, kind of breaks the fragile bubble the two of them had been in all night, and there is suddenly this weird feeling in Luke’s chest. 

The tightness is gone fairly quickly though. As soon as Luke feels Calum’s hand on his back, guiding him out into the street, the feeling in his chest eases off. 

As they walk out onto the main street Calum links Luke’s fingers loosely with his. A massive part of Luke’s brain is completely freaking out, and he knows that he shouldn’t be letting Calum hold his hand. But Calum’s hands are warm and soft, and the pressure of his long fingers is kind of comforting.

Calum flags down a cab, and they climb into the back seat. As the cab makes its way out to their flat Luke can’t stop himself from resting his head on Calum’s shoulder.

Calum is sure Luke must be able to feel his heart absolutely beating out of his chest right now, but he tries to keep his breathing steady, focusing on stroking Luke’s hair, and trying not to think about how great Luke smells, or how amazing the black shirt – which Calum doesn’t think he’s seen before – make’s his arms look. 

The taxi pulls up outside their building and Calum shoves a crumpled £10 note into the driver’s hand, before following Luke out of the car and up into their flat.   
When Calum finally gets to the top of the stairs Luke is leaning in the doorway waiting for him, and he looks absolutely fucking devastating. It is taking pretty much every bit of will power Calum has not to lean in and kiss him.

“Come on, Slow-poke.” Luke teases, opening the door, and ushering Calum into the flat. 

The two of them stand in the entryway for a minute, neither one quite sure what the next move should be. 

“I had a really good time tonight.” Luke says, his breath dancing on Calum’s lips.  
“Me too.” Calum says, wanting so badly to lean in and catch Luke’s lips with his own. 

Luke’s phone rings, and the moment is gone. 

Luke answers it, it’s Michael. 

Suddenly Luke is on the opposite side of the room to Calum, and Calum knows whatever thing there had been between them a minute ago is gone. 

He heads into his bedroom, strips and climbs into bed, trying not to think about how close Luke’s lips had been to his. 

-x-

It’s freezing and Michael is really regretting his decision to walk home, instead of calling a taxi. He turns onto Gillygate, exhaling a sigh of relief as his front door comes into view. He gropes in his pocket for his keys, grunting in frustration when he realises he has forgotten them.   
He pulls his mobile out of his pocket and selects Luke’s number. The younger picks up on the third ring.

“Hey.” Luke says, brightly.  
“Hi baby, I’ve forgotten my keys, can you buzz me up?” Michael asks.  
“No problem.”

The door buzzes and swings open, Michael bolts through it and into the warmth of the flat. He jogs up the stairs and finds Luke waiting for him at the top of them, looking devastatingly handsome in skinny jeans and a short sleeved shirt, which shows off just how broad Luke’s shoulders are getting. 

“I’m so sorry baby.” Michael says, immediately pulling Luke into a hug.   
“Don’t worry about it.” Luke says, kissing the top of Michael’s head. “I had a pretty good night anyway.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, this update took so long, I'm really sorry don't hate me! I didn't have this chapter finished, and then I lost my laptop charger, so I couldn't get it done for ages, then I was in edinburgh for the fringe without my computer, so basically the universe conspired to make this update take forever and I'm really sorry.
> 
> I'm always a slut for comments
> 
> hmu on tumblr: stymshaw-af


	10. I'm Not The Way You Found Me, And I'll Never Be Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke's family visit for easter, Luke is an adorable ball of stress about the whole affair.

April 18th 2017

  
Michael is woken up at 5am by the shrill buzzing of Luke’s alarm clock. He rolls over, expecting to find the younger boy still curled in on himself, asleep, but frowns when he finds the bed empty. He climbs out of bed, pulling on a pair of jeans which he discarded on the floor the night before, and a Metallica t-shirt which smells vaguely clean, and wanders through into the front room.  
Luke is knelt in the middle of the floor, scrubbing at the carpet with a damp cloth. Michael looks around the messy living room, and fleetingly thinks that Luke has bigger problems to deal with then the carpet

.  
“Lukey…babe?”

Luke looks up, turning to see Michael standing over him.“

Is everything alright?"  
“Yeah….it’s just, there’s this weird stain on the carpet, and I can’t get it out, the flat is a tip, Jesus, my parents can’t see it like this they will go mental, and we need to leave really soon to pick them up, and I don’t have time to do anything.”  
“Luke.” Michael says, kneeling down so he is on eye level with the younger boy. “Calm down, it’s going to be fine. I’ll go and wake Calum up, and get him to finish up the cleaning, while we go to the airport to pick your family up, yeah?”  
“Okay.” Luke nods, quietly, going back to scrubbing.

  
Michael knocks on Calum’s bedroom door, and is unsurprised when he doesn’t receive an answer. He quietly pushes open the door and creeps into the sleeping boy’s room. He approaches Calum’s bed and gives him a sharp nudge.

  
“Fuck off” Calum mumbles into the pillow.

Michael shoves him again, slightly harder.  
“What” The kiwi groans.  
“Luke needs your help” Michael says.  
“I’m sleeping.”  
“Come on, please. We need to go and get his parents from the airport and he’s stressing about the flat being a mess.”  
“Fine” Calum grunts hoisting himself up and out of bed, schlepping into the lounge behind Michael.

  
Calum walks up behind Luke, who is now stood at the sink doing dishes, placing his hands firmly on the younger boy’s shoulders.  
“Go and get your parents, I’ll take over from here.” He says softly. Luke steps away from the sink, letting Calum cut in.  
“Thanks.” He says with a small smile.  
“No worries.” Calum says, his smile crinkling up his face.

  
Luke lets Michael guide him by the hand into their bedroom.  
“Come on, love” Michael says placing a kiss on Luke’s cheek, and turning to pull some clean clothes out of the wardrobe. “You need to get changed.”  
Luke pulls on the hoody and jeans that Michael has passed hm.  
“I’m so unbelievably tired.” He yawns.  
“I know sweetheart.” Michael guides Luke out through the lounge and down the stairs. “Come on. I’ll drive until we get to Leeds, so you can have a little sleep.”

  
Luke collapses into the car, falling asleep as soon as he is sat down. Michael lets out a fond little exhale as he climbs into the driver’s seat, watching Luke curl in on himself, making himself smaller than it should be possible for a 6’3”, 20 year old to be. Michael turns the key in the ignition and winces as the engine roars into life, shooting Luke a cursory glance and praying that he hasn’t woken his boyfriend. The younger boy is still dead to the world. He pulls up on the clutch impossibly slowly, easing the car into gear and pulling away from the curb as gently as he possibly can. The car jerks a few times as they get going, but thankfully Luke is impossible to wake.

  
It’s not long until they are out of the maze of ring roads which surround York and on the motorway. Michael lets his mind drift into soft focus as they drive past miles of field and tarmac, letting the monotony of driving fill his mind.

  
-x-

  
Somewhere between Sheffield and Leeds Luke stirs awake with a quiet little grumble.  
“Hey sleepyhead.” Michael says, in the soft, kind of patronising, voice you use for little children. Luke swats him, a grumpy pout colouring his features.  
“Are we nearly there?” He asks, his voice croaky from sleep.  
“Just coming into Leeds.” Michael says, nodding at the blue road signs above them. Luke lets out an exasperated huff.  
“I thought we might stop in Leeds for breakfast.” Michael says brightly, ignoring Luke’s crankiness.  
“Have we got time?” They younger boy asks.  
“We’re fine” Michael reassures him. “Your parent’s flight doesn’t get in until 11, and we’re only an hour away from Manchester.  
“Okay.” Luke smiles, sinking back down into his seat. As his eyes start to drift closed they catch on a bright yellow “M” appearing in the distance, and he is sat up straight and awake in an instant. “Can we have McDonald’s breakfast?” He asks, like an excited child.  
“Of course, baby.” Michael says, stroking Luke’s leg affectionately.

  
They turn off the motorway as the golden arches approach, and Michael drives in a diagonal line straight across the carpark and pulls up haphazardly outside the door.

  
“How the fuck did you ever pass your driving test?” Luke asks, as he climbs out the car.  
“Flirting with the examiner helps a lot.” Michael teases, as he walks around the car to meet Luke. Luke gives the bright haired boy a playful shove. Michael licks the other boys cheek.  
“You are gross” Luke laughs, wiping the saliva off of his cheek and onto Michael’s jacket.  
“Yeah but you love me.” Michael says, linking Luke’s fingers with his.  
“Unfortunately.” Luke says, rolling his eyes affectionately.

  
The McDonald’s is, unsurprisingly, pretty empty, and within a few minutes both boys are sat at a sticky table, tucking into greasy breakfast sandwiches.  
“Do you want my hash brown?” Luke asks.  
“You don’t like hash browns?” Michael asks, incredulous.  
Luke shakes his head, his cheeks hollowing around the straw of his drink.  
“What is wrong with you?” Michael says, shoving Luke’s entire hash brown into his mouth in one go.  
“You’re such a pig.” Luke says, fondly. Michael snorts and flashes Luke a wide, potato-ey smile.  
“I swear to god, of all the people who could have been my soulmate.”  
“You were lucky enough to be blessed with me.”  
“Wouldn’t want it any other way.” Luke says, leaning over the table and catching Michael’s lips in kiss, and then jumping up from the table. “Come on, weirdo, I’m not getting stuck in morning traffic.”

  
Michael follows Luke out of the doors, muttering “Creep.” And gently slapping his boyfriends butt.

  
Luke climbs into driver’s seat this time, backing out of the carpark, much more smoothly than Michael had pulled away that morning.

  
“Witchcraft.” Michael mutters.  
“Actually being able to drive.” Luke counters.

  
While Luke finds his way back onto the motorway, Michael entertains himself by rooting around in the glove box.

  
“Michael, stop messing.” Luke says, his eyes not leaving the road. “I swear to god, you’re like a little kid.”  
“What’s this.” Michael says, pulling a blank CD out of the glove box. A blush creeps over Luke’s cheeks.  
“It’s nothing.” Luke says, as he merges into the queue of traffic.  
“It’s not nothing.” Michael says, turning on the car radio and ejecting the Green Day CD that is the player. He feeds the blank CD into the slot and hits play, Twenty One Pilots bursts through the speakers.

  
“It’s just a bunch of songs that remind me of you…it’s really embarrassing. Mikey, please turn it off.” Luke says, reaching for the volume.  
“Nope.” Michael says, batting Luke’s hand away and turning the music up. “You are fucking adorable, Luke Hemmings.”  
“I hate you.” Luke mutters.  
“Love you too.”

  
The remaining 50 minutes of the drive are excruciating for Luke. Michael refuses to turn the CD off, so they roll across the Yorkshire countryside, with Luke’s lovingly crafted mix CD trickling through the speakers, each track cheesier and more vomit inducing than the last. Michael makes sure to comment, at least twice a song, on how adorable Luke’s music choices are. By the time they are heading over the moors, listening to the Shires sing a syrupy love ballad to each other, Luke is just about ready to die of embarrassment.

  
-x-

  
As they make their way down a windy hillside, into the next village, Luke feels Michael tapping sharply at his arm.  
“Luke, pull up!”  
“Why?”  
“Look what this village is called, we have to take a picture.” Michael says, barely able to contain his laughter.

Luke looks across at the road sign. It says; “ _Welcome to Penistone, Please Drive Carefully_.”

  
“Michael, you are literally 12 years old.” Luke says, not slowing down the car.  
“Come on Luke, please! We’re making a memory.”

  
Luke pulls into the grass verge, at the side of the road, shaking his head at his boyfriend, as he bounds out of the car.

  
Michael grabs Luke’s hand, pulling him towards the road sign. He wraps his arms around the taller boy’s shoulders, and pulls out his phone.

  
“Smile.” He demands. Luke stretches his face into an exaggerated smile, which is all teeth. Michael stretches out his arm, framing himself, Luke and the road sign in the front camera and snapping a picture.  
“Happy now?” Luke asks carefully walks down the grassy slope and climbs back into the car.  
“Very” Michael smiles, taking his place in the passenger seat and kissing Luke’s cheek.  
“The shit I do for you, Michael Clifford.” Luke sighs, setting back off.

  
-x-

  
After what feels like forever signs for “Manchester Airport” start to fade into view.

  
“Thank god!” Michael exhales, dramatically.  
“You didn’t have to come, I am fully capable of driving to the airport by myself.” Luke says.  
“But then I would have missed out on your amazing musical selections.” Michael says with a grin, as if to punctuate his point the synth-y, bouncy sounds of a Hall and Oates song start to trickle through the car speakers.  
“You were the inspiration behind each and every track, my love.” Luke smiles, as he finds his exit, and indicates. “You have no one to blame but yourself.”  
“I feel like it’s unfair for you to push the blame for your terrible music taste onto me.”

  
After a fraught 15 minutes of trying to find a parking spot, and figuring out how the pay and display machine works, plus a fun interlude during which they both had to root around in the foot well of Luke’s car in an effort to find enough change to feed the parking meter, Luke and Michael make their way into arrivals lounge.

  
“Luke, babe, slow down.” Michael says, as his boyfriend route marches through the corridors and hallways towards the airport terminal. “We’ve got time.”  
“Their flight gets in in fifteen minutes and I don’t want them to be waiting.” Luke says, maintaining his ridiculous speed.  
Michael breaks into a slight jog, in an effort to keep up with Luke’s long strides.

  
They reach the arrivals lounge and Luke jerks to a halt. “Made it.” He exhales. “With ten minutes to go.”

  
Luke pushes his way through barrier, and stakes out a spot for himself and Michael, then waits, bouncing from one foot to the other.

  
“Babe, calm down, we’ve made it, we’re fine.” Michael says, gently stroking Luke’s back.  
“I know.” Luke says, bringing his breathing back to order. “It’s just….I’ve not seen them in ages, and it’s the first time they’re meeting you, and I don’t want anything to go wrong.”  
“I know.” Michael says, pressing a soft kiss into Luke’s neck. “Love you.”  
“Love you too.” Luke says, letting the calm start to seep into his body.  
“How about you save my spot, and I’ll go and get us some coffees.”  
Luke nods.  
“Shall I get some for you fam as well?” Michael asks, pulling his wallet and leafing through the notes in there.  
“Yes please.” Luke nods. “You are perfect.”  
“I know.” Michael smiles, weaving his way through the crowd.

  
When Michael returns clutching two cardboard trays of Starbucks cups, Luke is glued to his phone.  
“They’ve landed.” He says, his eyes not leaving the screen “They’ve just got to get their luggage and get through customs.”  
Luke’s phone vibrates.  
“They’re through customs. They’re on their way out now.” He says, scanning the text, a smile spreading across his face.

  
The first member of the Hemmings clan through the gateway is Jack. Even if Michael had never seen a picture of the middle Hemmings brother he would have known that he and Luke were related. The two boys were almost identical pictures of blond haired, blue eyed Australian-ness. Jack is pushing a trolley, piled high with suitcases, and as soon as his eyes meet Luke’s a smile fills his face.

  
Close behind Jack is Ben, a shorter stockier version of his younger brothers. He is balancing his mobile phone between his ear and his shoulder, whilst carrying two suitcases, chatting away, presumably to his wife back in Australia.

  
Bringing up the rear are Andrew and Liz Hemmings, who rush to pull their youngest son into a suffocating hug as soon as they're in sight.  
Luke squirms, trying to wriggle out of his parents embrace.

  
“Luke Robert Hemmings, you are my youngest son, I have not seen you for almost a year, I will have a proper hug, thank you.” Liz says, in a voice which sends a little shiver of fear down Michael’s spine. Luke relents, wrapping his arms around his mum’s waist.

  
“You must be Michael?” Jack says, taking Michael’s hand in a crushingly firm handshake. Michael nods. “I feel like I have to do the protective big brother talk…but I’m also 99% sure Calum will have given you that exact talk a 10 months ago.”  
“He did indeed.” Michael nods.  
“Hiya, I’m Ben.” The oldest Hemmings brother says, as he hangs up his phone and shoves it back in his pocket.  
“Nice to meet you.” Michael says. “Luke’s told me loads about you guys.”  
“Good stuff, I hope.” Ben says.  
“Of course.” Michael says. “I um...got everyone coffees, kind of in the hopes that I could bribe you into liking me.” Michael says, with a laugh, handing Jack and Ben Starbuck’s cups.  
“It’s a sound plan mate.” Jack say, taking a sip of the coffee and turning his attention to Luke, who had now been released from Liz and Andrew’s death hug.

  
“Hey baby brother.” Jack says, ruffling Luke’s hair.  
“Shut up.” Luke says, shoulder barging his older brother.  
“Luke don’t push your brother.” Andrew scolds.  
“Are you shitting me?” Luke argues back.  
“Language, Luke.” Liz interjects. Luke shoots Michael a look, which he hope conveys the sentiment of – oh my god save me now - which is currently filling his heart. Michael just giggles.

  
“So which way is your car kiddo.” Andrew says, and Michael dishes out the rest of coffees.  
“This way” Luke says, leading the group towards the car park.

  
Fitting, 4 ridiculously tall Australians, plus the parents, and all their luggage, in Luke’s relatively small car is a bit of a struggle, but they manage it in the end, the back seat becoming a jumble of legs.

  
Once they are settled in the car the jet lag seems to hit Luke’s family, and they are all asleep within in minutes. The drive back to York is uneventful, Luke’s mix CD playing quietly, and the rest of Hemmings sleep as Michael absentmindedly scrolls through his twitter feed on his phone.

  
-x-

  
By the time they get back to York, Calum has pretty much performed a miracle. Luke is amazed at how easily the door from the street into the flat moves, the drift of junk mail which usually blocks the way having disappeared. Luke, and Michael, lead his family up the stairs and into the apartment.

  
For a moment Luke is kind of convinced they have been robbed, the clutter which usually covers every available surface is gone, and the whole flat smells weirdly of vanilla. Calum emerges from the kitchen, a picture of domesticity, apron around his waist, rubber gloves on.

  
“Thank you” Luke mouths, as he passes Calum, ushering his family into the flat.  
“Calum!” Liz exclaims, pulling the maori boy into a hug the minute she sees him. “You need to stop growing, I remember when you only came up to here” She holds her hand up to her waist.  
“Haha, yeah , I’ve grown up a bit since then.” He replies with a charming smile.  
Liz gives Calum’s cheek a pinch.  
“Sure you’ve not grown up that much, ey?” She turns to Michael. “The pictures I could show you of these lads Mikey…”  
“All embarrassing I hope.” Michael says, with a small laugh.  
“Of course, many a naked paddling pool shot.”  
“Mum, Michael doesn’t want to see my baby photos.” Luke interjects.  
“I definitely do” Michael says, sticking his tongue out at Luke.  
Luke turns to Calum, whispering “Kill me…just kill me” but Liz is already distracted by showing Michael the most humiliating photos in her camera roll.

  
“You’re looking well mate” Andy says to Calum, and clapping a strong hand on his back.  
“You too, you’ve not changed a bit”  
“You’re a liar Calum Hood.” They laugh. “I think the plan was to take Lukey and Mike here out for some Lunch, you want to tag along?”  
For some reason the idea of tagging along makes Calum’s stomach crunch uncomfortably.  
“Thats alright, I’ve got a tonne of work to do, so I’ll probably stay here’  
“If your sure, mate?” Andy fixes him with a worried look.  
“Yeah, give you guys some time to get to know Mike.”  
Andy crowds closer into Calum.  
“What do you think of him?” He motions towards Michael.  
“He’s nice…Luke likes him.”

  
“You just stand in the way guys, don’t worry about it” Ben says with a laugh, pushing past Andy and Calum, suitcases in hand.  
“Yeah we’ll manage without you.” Jack adds.  
“Cheeky little sods.” Andy says, rolling his eyes and Picking up the last of the bags, following his sons into the bedroom.

  
-x-

  
They end up having lunch at this hipster looking upscale burger place. It’s all candles in mason jars, and empty cans as decorative features, and definitely not the kind of place Luke or Michael would stump up the cash for on a regular day, but somewhere they are more than happy to frequent with Luke’s parents footing the bill.

  
They’re seated in a booth and it doesn’t take long for Luke’s parents to start bombarding Michael with questions.

  
“So Michael, what do you do?” Liz asks, over a plate full of fancy mozzarella sticks.  
“I manage a crisis hotline centre…so we’re like a phone line that people can ring if they’re struggling…emotionally…we do a lot of suicide prevention, stuff like that.”  
“So you’re a bit older than Luke then?” Andy interjects.  
“Um…only by a few months…”  
“But you’re not at uni?” Liz says, raising an eyebrow.  
“I…I dropped out, actually.”  
There is a heavy silence.  
“I did about half a year of a Chemistry degree…but yeah…I wasn’t really smart enough” Michael says, papering over the silence with a little self deprecating laugh. “I’m thinking of going back though, doing psychology.”  
“That’s an interesting change of gear.” Liz says, less frosty now.  
“Yeah, I think working at Nightline really helped, like, it took me a while but I found something I’m really good at, and I figure the best way of using that to help people is to become a therapist.”  
“Michael is amazing at that kind of stuff.” Luke cuts in, through a mouthful of fries. “He’s good at dealing with people when they’re panicky and freaking out and stuff, he just stays really calm, makes everything seem a bit less scary.”

  
Michael softly squeezes Luke’s leg under the table, fixing him with a soft smile.

  
“I’m just good at listening, that’s all it is really, listening.” Michael says, with a self deprecating smile. “Nine times out of ten people don’t need any advice, they just need someone to talk through everything in their head.”  
“I think that’s awesome Mike.” Jack says brightly. “And it’s really comforting to know that Luke has had you around, looking after him.”  
“I think it’s been him looking after me to be honest.” Michael giggles.

  
Thankfully a smiling waitress delivers the main courses before Liz can attack Michael with another round of questions.

  
-x-

  
In what seems like literally no time, the week is nearly over. It is Easter Sunday and Luke is being shaken awake by his mother.

  
“M’tired.”  
“Up Luke.”  
“Too early.”  
“Enough of that.” She pulls the duvet cover off of him. “Your Dad and I though we could all go to the Eucharist service at the Minster.”

  
Luke doesn’t answer but pulls the duvet back over himself.

  
“Your brothers didn’t make this much fuss.” Liz says disappearing into the bathroom. “And Michael practically bounded out of bed.”  
“That’s because Mike’s still trying to impress you.” Luke says from under the duvet. his protestations are interrupted by his mum tipping a glass of cold water over his head. He shrieks and jumps out of the bed.

“Okay…okay! I’m up.”

  
In spite of the fact that he almost 21, in his final year of uni, and living with his soulmate pulling on the one pair of smart trousers hidden at the back of his wardrobe, and knotting his tie around his neck immediately makes him feel about 12 years old again; pulling on his scratchy, awful church clothes, ready for his gran and granddad to drag him to church, and sit a too hot pew for an hour.

  
As he heads into the living room, the familiarity of the picture in front of him makes him smile. So York is kind of muggy and frostbitten where Sydney had been humid and baking hot, and the absence of his grandparents makes his heart give a sharp little tug; but his this image, of his mum and dad, his brothers, and, strangely, Calum, feels exactly like home to Luke, even 7000 miles away. Fleetingly Luke thinks that it should seem stranger than it does, how easily Calum fits into this picture of his family, a thought which is underlined when Michael joins them, his shock of died hair (currently blue) and kind of ramshackle collection of formal wear, meaning that he doesn’t quite fit.

  
“Are we ready to go?” Michael asks, breaking Luke from his revery as he hands the younger boy his coat.  
“Lead the way.” Andy says gesturing towards the door.  
They tramp down the stairs and out into the street.

  
Michael surges on ahead, leading the way through York’s twisting streets, up to the Minster. He chats brightly with Liz as they walk, and barely even notices Luke falling to the back of the group with Calum.

  
“You must be a real gluten for punishment.” Luke says to Calum, once the rest of the group have sped on ahead.  
“What do you mean?” Calum says, his stomach flipping.  
“Well, I have to go and sit through two hours of Jesus talk in York's draughtiest building, family obligations and that…but you’re coming along by choice.”  
Calum laughs.  
“Well I don’t feel like I’ve had much quality Hemmings family time this week.”  
“Yeah sorry about that, it has been kind of me and Michael centric.”  
“Nah…it’s…well…I’m going to have to get used to it.”

Luke fixes Calum with a confused look.

“It’s going to be you and Michael from now on…at family stuff and everything.” He continues. “You know…you’ve got your soulmate now…that’s who they’re going to invite to like, parties and family dinners, and weddings and shit. It would be weird if they didn’t”  
“I…It doesn’t have to be you or Michael…like…he’s not replacing you.”  
“That’s how it’s going to happen though.” Calum says, shoving his hands into his pockets, and staring resolutely forwards. “It’s the way it’s supposed to happen.”

  
Calum speeds up, joining the rest of the group, falling into step with Jack and striking up a conversation about football.

  
-x-

  
Luke always feels like he should be getting more out of church services than he actually does. Sitting on the pew he knows that the Minster is an absolutely breathtaking building, and that the sermon the bishop is delivering is full of beautiful poetic language, but all he can think about is how cold he is, how hard the pew is against his bum and how the sermon could have been vastly improved if it was just a little shorter. On top of that it takes most of his concentration to stand and sit and kneel, and murmur the proper responses at the right times.

  
As they shuffle out of the Cathedral, dropping a few coins in the big perspex collection boxes placed at the entrance, Michael slips in next to Luke, gently grabbing his soulmate’s hand.  
“It’s bloody clever.” He says, apropos of nothing.  
“What is?” Luke asks.  
“Making the collection boxes all big and see through like that. People put more money in, because no one wants to seem like a tight arse.”  
“You are so cynical…should you not be too full of the wonder of christ to realise that.” Luke says, a smile playing on his lips.  
“I’m full of christ focused wonder, me.” Michael giggles.

The tiny, elderly lady stationed at the door to see people out, fixes Luke and Michael with a distasteful look, and they immediately quieten down, bowing their heads reverently.

Luke’s family are waiting for them on the other side of the door, assembled in a distinctly Aussie looking huddle, all shivering long limbs and tanned faces, complaining audibly about the weather.

“We’d best get back.” Liz says, once she has caught Luke and Michael’s attention. “I’ve got a roast dinner to be cooking.”

The promise of his mum’s cooking propels Luke back to the flat at a speed he didn’t know he was capable of.

-x-

The meal is more amazing that Luke could have hoped, and he can’t quite work why his mums roast potatoes have such a distinctive taste, but he isn’t complaining.

Even with 5 strapping lads giving it their best efforts, Liz has made far more food than any of them can finish. While the boys huddle up on the sofa, ready to flick through the TV channels and fall into a food coma, Luke helps his mum box up the left over food and deal with the dishes.

“You’re a good lad.” Liz smiles, handing Luke a plate to wipe dry. There is a long silence before she adds “Michael seems nice.”  
“He’s great. It’s odd…knowing that I’m going to have him forever, you know? That we’re not going to break up or whatever.”  
“Your dad and I have found it quite odd.” Liz says, scrubbing at a blob of gravy. “We’re so used to you on your own…well not on your own really”

Luke stays silent, waiting for his mum to elaborate.

“Well, you and Calum have always been a bit of a double act haven’t you?”  
“Not really…” Luke mumbles, his stomach churning.  
“Don’t be soft. The pair of you have been inseparable since you were in nappies.”  
“That’s different though…”  
“I know love…I just…me and your dad don’t want you to think we don’t like Michael. We really do, he seems lovely…and it looks like he thinks the world of you.”

There is a pause, Luke’s stomach is still churning.

“It’s just a bit of an adjustment for us.” she finishes, wrapping her arm around Luke’s waist, in an odd side on hug.  
“It’s an adjustment for me too.”  
-x-

Luke is up bright and early the next morning, without any prompting from Michael, ready to drive his family back to the airport.  
“You get back in bed kiddo.” Andy says, as Luke pads into the front room to get a bowl of cereal.  
“I’ve got to drive you guys…” Luke says, with a yawn. “Your flight leaves at lunchtime, right?”  
“We’ve rung for a taxi.” Jack says, ruffling his little brother’s hair.  
“Are you mental, that is going to be so expensive!” Luke protests.  
“Don’t be daft. We’re fine.” His mum says, bustling around, gathering suitcases together. Her phone buzzes. “Come one everybody, chop, chop. Cab’s here.”

Ben is the first to pull Luke into a bone crushing hug.  
“Look after yourself, kiddo.” He says.  
“Give the kids my love.” Luke replies. Ben nods, and starts carrying the suitcases down the stairs, ready to load up the taxi.

Jack is next to say goodbye.  
“You should try and get back over to Oz soon, yeah?” He says, with a hopeful little smile. “I’m sure Celeste would love to meet Mike.”  
“I’ll try, but you know, flights are expensive so…”  
Jack nods, and follows Ben down the stairs, laden with overnight bags.

Andy presses a few crumpled £20 notes into Luke hand.  
“I know it’s not much mate, but me and mum just wanted to give you a little bit of something.”  
“Dad…no way. I’m fine for money.”  
“Use it to do something nice with Mikey then.” He says, giving Luke a firm pat on the shoulder, before disappearing down the stairs.

He’s left alone, with his mum.  
“Come here.” She says, holding her arms open for a hug. The hug is tight, and warm, and Luke’s mum smells of eucalyptus, and lavender, and home. “I’m so proud of you. We’ll see you soon yeah?”  
“Yeah” Luke nods.  
“I mean it. Jack and Celeste’s wedding, we want to see you and Cal…you and Mikey there.”  
Luke nods, ignoring his mum’s slight freudian slip.  
“We’ll be there mum.”  
“Promise?”  
“I promise.” He smiles. “Now go on, or they’ll bloody leave without you.”  
“Language, Luke Hemmings.” she scolds, giving him and affectionate slap on the arm, before shuffling down the stairs and out of the flat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY!!! Oh my god this update taken so long, I am trash. In my defence it's my last year of uni and I am uber busy, but I am so close to graduation, and having my free time back. This chapter has taken me so long, I have been writing it in chunks since bloody Spetember.
> 
> ALSO going to have to proofread this again, but my laptop is on 3% battery and I want to get it posted.
> 
> I love comments, please don't have stopped caring about this fic!!!


	11. It's Chemicals, That Bring Me Back to You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael's past is trying to catch up with him.

_ May 12th 2017 _

 

Luke links Michaels fingers between his, pulling him down the maze of corridors deep into the art gallery. 

“Luke, slow down. I am not a fast person.” Michael says, jogging slightly to keep up with his enthusiastic boyfriend. 

“Sorry, I just, I really want you to see this.” Luke says, his face lit up. “I never got it, before I met you. I never understood, but now…” Luke stops, turning to look at a painting. The placard underneath it reads “Convergence by Jackson Pollock.”

“It’s just splashes of paint.” Michael says, confusion colouring his face. 

“No, babe, look at it properly, think about it. It makes so much sense. It’s just this – like- explosion of colour. Like it was too much for him to control, and I can feel that, you know. It’s like, with art, once you get colour there’s this whole new toolbox you never even knew existed, and once you get that toolbox you just want to do everything you can with it. And you’ve got all these new feelings as well – like weird, fucking confusing emotions, and you’ve got to get them out on to the page, and you can’t structure or organise it, so you just get this massive – kind of- mess.”

“I love you.” Michael smiles. 

“Love you too.” Luke grins, pecking a kiss on his cheek. 

They move along to the next picture, Luke starts up again, giving Michael this big long description of the painting and the artist, Michael’s pretty sure he’s not taking in any of the, probably really interesting, art history Luke is spouting, but it makes his heart float a little bit just to see Luke’s face light up, and watch his arms flail around the more enthusiastic he gets. 

Michael can feel someone stood next to him, watching him. He pulls eyes away from Luke (who focuses all of his attention on the next painting) turning to find out who is watching him, he catches a familiar pair of hazel eyes. It’s Ashton. 

“Um…hi…” Ashton says, a little smile playing on his lips.

“Ashton.” Michael says, smiling in spite of himself. “How have you been?”

“You’re looking well, I’ve been good.” Ashton says.

“Thanks, yeah I’m pretty good.” Michael says, cutting him off slightly.

“Your hair’s different.” Ashton states. Michael’s hand shoots up to run through his fine hair, which is newly dyed, this pale lilac colour, and cut shorter than before. 

“Yeah, Luke really likes the colour so, I though why not…”

“Oh yeah.” Ashton says, his face falling. “Luke.”

Michael places his hand on the small of Luke’s back, tearing his attention away from the artwork.

“Luke, this is Ashton my ex…um…my ex-housemate.” Michael says. 

The weird stabbing guilt, which has been gone months, is back, pressing against his chest.

“Hi” Luke smiles, reaching out to shake Ashton’s hand, totally oblivious. 

“Hi.” Ashton mumbles, quickly shaking Luke’s offered hand. They fall into a silence, which sits on top of them, thick and heavy. Michael can feel the ache burning from his chest, up into his throat. 

“We should um…we should get going.” Michael finally manages to say.

“Yeah, I’m going to move to the next room.” Ashton nods, not quite able to meet Michael’s eyes. 

“Yeah…okay…it was good to see you.” Michael says without thinking. It takes Ashton a long moment to reply.

“Yeah…it was really nice to see you.” He says, fixing Michael with a smile, which doesn’t nothing to help the guilt burning in his chest. “Nice to meet you, Luke” He says, with a wave as he moves on to the next room.

“Yeah…” Luke nods. They stand in silence for a moment or two once Ashton has left. 

“So that was weird…” Luke says. His comment hangs in the quiet. 

“Yeah…not really.” Michael says, trying to brush it off.

“Something big must have happened between you two”

“Not really, it was nothing.” Luke fixes him with a look, and Michael knows that Luke can tell he is hiding something. 

“Come on, tell me more about the paint splashes.” Michael says brightly, wrapping an arm around Luke’s waist. 

-x-

Luke untangles Michael from around him, getting up from the sofa. 

“I’m going to take a shower babe, you want to join me?” Luke asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“Nah, it’s alright.” Michael says, curling in on himself.

“I won’t be a minute.” Luke says, kissing Michael’s cheek. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” Michael says, as he watches Luke leave the room. He tucks his legs up underneath and pulls his phone out, opening up the contact list. His finger hovers over Ashton’s name. He takes a deep breath and selects the contact, holding the phone up to his ear. It goes to voicemail. 

“Hey Ashton…” Michael says into the machine. “Hi. It was good to see you, you looked well. I hope you’ve been okay. Look, I’m sorry about everything…I know I was…I just…I miss you okay.”

The phone clicks, suddenly Ashton is on the other end, and Michael can feel his heart in his mouth.

“Michael?”

“Ashton…”

“I miss you too, you know.” Ashton says, Michael can hear the smile playing on his lips.

“I hate this…” He says, feeling the guilt start to twist in his chest.

“You…you could come back?” Ashton suggests.

“I can’t Ash…Luke wouldn’t…”

“Yeah…” Ashton cuts him off. “Yeah, okay, yeah…sorry.”

“Don’t apologise…god, Ashton, you have nothing to apologise for…”

“But still…”

“Ash…”

 

“No.” Ashton says. His voice sounds weird, Michael is pretty sure he’s crying. “Please, Mikey, don’t be nice to me…please. I need to hate you. If you’re nice about this I’m never going to get over you…please Michael.”

“Ash…”

“Look, I know this is the way it has to be, I get that you’re always going to choose Luke, because of the colour and everything…but” Ashton’s voice cracks, and Michael knows he is fighting back tears. “I need you to be a dick about this, because if you’re a dick then maybe I will start hating you…and…and if I hate you I can probably stop loving you eventually.” Ashton lets out a weak little laugh, and Michael can’t help but laugh with him.

“I mean…I think I have been a pretty massive dick…” Michael says, softly.

“Yeah, I guess you have.” Ashton says, he makes a sound, and Michael can’t actually tell if he is laughing or crying.

“Seriously though, Ash. I do lo…” he stops himself. “I do miss you.”

“I know.” Ashton says, quietly. “Look, I have to go.”

“Yeah…yeah okay, bye Ashton.” The phone clicks. “I love you.” Ashton is gone.

Michael lies down on the couch, curling into a ball, his phone clutched in his hand. He can feel tears pricking the corners of his eyes, and the ache in his chest feels like it’s tearing him apart. 

Michael feels the sofa dip, as Luke sits back next to him. His hair is wet and fluffy, and his looks all cuddly in pyjama pants and a hoody which is a bit too big. 

“Hey” He whispers, cradling Michael’s head in his lap.

“Hi” Michael whispers back, the ache in his chest subsiding slightly as Luke strokes his hair.

“You alright?” Luke asks.

“Yeah just tired.” Michael lies, willing the tears at the corners of his eyes not to fall. They lie silent like that, for a while. “I’ve been thinking.” Michael says, finally. “We should go somewhere.”

“What do you mean, like for the day or on holiday or…”

“No, I mean for good. You finish uni soon, it might be nice to get a fresh start and stuff.”

Luke is floored, it takes a couple of seconds for his brain to kick in to action. “I’m not sure.”

“Yeah…sorry, stupid idea.” Michael says.

“No sorry, it’s not stupid, it’s just, you know…it’s a big step, I don’t know if I could leave Cal…and the flat and stuff.”

“Yeah, sorry. I didn’t think it through properly, I…”

“I’ll think about it though. Can you give me that, just some time to think?”

“As much time as you need.”

“I love you.” Luke says, tracing along the tattoo inside Michael’s arm.

“Love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So two updates in two days hopefully makes up for the appalling lack of updates right?
> 
> I only have one chapter left to write and then this whole thing is finished, there are like 5 more chapters to post or something.
> 
> I will probably get that chapter done pretty quickly because I am using writing this to procrastinate writing my dissertation.
> 
> Please leave comments or something, I really appreciate them, and I need all the writing motivation and validation I can get right now.
> 
> also come see me on tumblr: officialmalumtrash


	12. Trust Me I Can Take You There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, everything is about to go to shit, basically
> 
> ALSO
> 
> There is some daddy kink stuff, so yeah just a warning.

_June 15th 2017_

_“_ I would have thought your fancy promotion would have meant no more night shifts” Luke grumbled, as he pulled up outside the office block.

“That’s not really how it works, babe. Can’t ask my staff to do stuff I’m not willing to do.”

Michael kisses Luke’s cheek, and climbs out of the car. He stands on the curb, waving until Luke has driven out of view. 

Once Luke is gone he turns, and heads into the office block, trudging up the stairs,to the 3rd floor.He throws his coat and bag in the break room, and then flops down at his desk and puts on his headset. He sets himself to online and gets ready to start fielding calls. 

It’s a slow night, and once the night shift operators turn up, Michael can pretty much let the place run itself. He lets his staff know he is on hand if there is an emergency, and then slopes off into the break room. 

He gets a book out of his bag, a tattered copy of _The Handmaid’s Tale_ which Luke has been nagging him to read. He can’t get past the first couple of sentences without his mind wandering. His brain hasn’t stopped whirring since the day at the art gallery. Seeing Ashton, and later talking to him, has brought back this weird feeling, that Michael had all but forgotten. There is an itch crawling under his skin, that doesn’t seem like it’s going anytime soon. 

He pulls his phone out of his pocket. His finger hovers over the first contact. He’s just sat staring at the phone, he can’t makes his hands move. And then the phone is ringing. Ashton’s big goofball smile fills the screen, it’s him. Michael’s fingers are shaking, he hits the accept call button, his breath catching in his throat. 

“Ashton?”

“Hi.”

“Why are you…”

“I miss you Michael.”

“I…”

“Since that day, at the art gallery, I literally haven’t stopped thinking about you, which…which is really fucking inconvenient.”

Michael laughs.

“I miss you too.”

“Michael, don’t…”

“Seriously. I think something has gone wrong, because I am definitely not supposed to be thinking about you as much as I do.”

“This whole thing is so fucked.”

“I want to see you.”

“What?”

“I know…I know have no right to ask, and it probably the worst think I could do right now, but fuck it…”

“Michael, what about Luke?”

Michael chest feels tight.

“I’m trying really hard not to think about him right now. Ashton, please.”

“Michael,I don’t…”

“I know…look…I know this is a terrible idea, but you can’t honestly tell me that you wouldn’t be happier, at least for a little bit, if you saw me now.”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at work, the same office block, on Stonegate.”

“I’ll be there soon.”

And Ashton is gone. 

A wave of nausea hits Michael, and he is dashing to the bathroom. There’s nothing in his stomach to throw up, but stomach acid is still clawing it’s way up his throat. He spits up the little bit of bile, and gets up. He stands in front of the mirror, splashing his face with water, and trying to make himself look slightly composed. 

His phone buzzes, it’s a text from Ashton. He’s outside. 

Michael texts back that he will buzz him in, and then does just that, before shooting out another text letting Ashton know he’s on the 3rd floor.

He’s pacing across the break room, his hand is shaking and he doesn’t know how to stop it. 

“Hey.”

He looks up. Ashton is stood in front of him. His hair is long again, scraped into a bun, there is more stubble on his jaw. He looks amazing, Michael is pretty sure he can’t breath.

“Um…hi.” 

They both stand in silence, the tension is thick and heavy in the air, and the thought occurs to them both at the same time. They both know what is going to happen next, it is the only thing that was ever going to happen, from the moment Michael answered the phone.

Ashton’s lips are on his, and it feels like home. Ashton’s hands are in Michael’s hair. He is kissing every inch of bare skin he find, like he is trying to commit Michael to memory, by taste alone. 

“The..the couch.” Michael says, breathlessly, guiding Ash over to sofa. He pushes Ash down onto it, and climbs on top of him. They are pulling at each other’s clothes. Ashton’s Shirt get caught up in his hair. Michael tugs it, pulling Ashton’s hair out of it’s topknot in the process. It falls around his shoulders, Michael tangles his fingers up in it. 

“It’s longer”

“I’m too lazy to get it cut.”

“I love it.”

Michael kisses down Ashton’s neck, dragging his teeth along the older boys collar bones. Ashton let’s a little whine, pulling at Michael’s hair.

The words are out of Michael’s mouth before he even realises.

“Please, daddy”

“God, I’ve missed hearing you say that.”

Ashton sits up, guiding Michael to kneel between his spread legs. Michael mouths at Ashton’s thighs. 

“Go on, baby boy.”

Michael unbuttons Ashton’s jeans, hands shaking. He let’s the older boy’s cock free, Stroking it to full hardness. Ashton hisses at the friction.

“With your mouth, little one.”

Michael immediately complies, swirling his tongue around the tip, before taking Ashton’s length into his mouth. He splutter a little as it hits the back of his throat.

“Are you out of practise, princess?”

Michael keens at the pet name.

“God that feels amazing.” Ashton groans. “I’m so close, I’m going to come.”

Michael take his mouth away. 

“No, don’t stop, why are you stopping?”

Michael is already unbuttoning his own jeans, pushing them down his thighs, and straddling Ashton.

“I want you to fuck me, daddy.” Michael whispers in Ashton’s ear. Ashton doesn’t have to be asked twice. He digs around in his bag for a bottle of lube, and coats his dick. 

“You need prepping baby?”

Michael shakes his head, sinking down on Ashton’s dick. He whimpers at the feeling of being stretched open.

“God it’s been so long.” Michael says, his voice shaking.

“Do you like it baby? Do you like having daddy’s cock back inside you.”

“Yes daddy.”

“So good for me. Baby, you are so tight.”

“I’ve…I’ve not bottomed in a while.”

“Don’t worry, princess, Daddy’s here now, I’mgoing to look after. Going to make you feel good.”

Michael can feel his climax building, his breaths get shallower and shallower and he wines and Ashton hits that perfect spot again and again.

“Ashton…Ash, I’m going to….”

“Me to too baby, can you hold on.”

“I can’t…I…ugh….fuck….Ash…” There is cum pooling in the dip of Ashton’s tummy. Michael reaches down and wipes some of it away with his thumb, then licks the digit clean.

“Fuck…you…are so….fucking..” Ashton’s words fade away as he spills into Michael’s ass. He pulls Michael into a ferocious kiss. 

Michael climbs off Ashton, falling onto the couch next to him.

“I love you” Ashton says, his breath ragged.

Michael doesn’t reply. 

“Sorry…that probably wasn’t the right thing to say.”

“No, I.” He goes quiet again, thinking. “I wish it had been you.” He says, leaning on Ashton’s shoulder, letting Ashton wrap an arm around him. “Why wasn’t it you?”

“Dunno.” Ashton says. “Does it make a difference?”

There is a heavy silence as Michael considers his answer.

“It does. I’m sorry, I really wish it didn’t. I wish so badly I could have got colour when I met you.”

Ashton gets up from the couch, pulling his jeans up, and putting his top back on. The passion is gone now, and they’re both left feeling kind of stupid. 

“This was a really bad idea.” Ashton says, gathering up his things. “I’m just going to…”

“Ashton, don’t…”

“No it’s okay, it’s not your fault, i just….I just keep expecting to get you back, and it’s not going to happen.” 

“I really wish it could.”

“I know.” Ashton says, and he is disappearing down the stairs.

-x-

Luke is exhausted when he gets back from dropping Michael off. He drops his rucksack in the entryway and pushes the door shut with his hip, walking over to his easel. As soon as he sees the painting, lay on the floor, his heart all but stops. Red paint is splattered across the grey-scale study. 

“Shit.” He says, grabbing a rag, and starting to dab at the painting. All he doing is spreading the red paint out, making the problem worse. “Calum!” he shouts, still dabbing at the painting, and swearing under his breath. “Calum, was this you?”

Calum bursts into the room and kneels next to Luke.

“It’s ruined…did you do this.” Luke asks, his voice filled with panic.

“What…no of course not!” Calum says, stroking circles into Luke’s back, trying to calm him down

“It’s fucked.” Luke says, kneeling back and throwing the rag on the floor. “I can’t fix it. Shit, I need to hand it in tomorrow…I can’t hand it in with random red splotches all over, fucking hell.”

“Calm down.” Calum says, picking up the rag, and grabbing a bottle of turpentine from the corner. “We’ll fix it.”

“This is it, I’m fucked…I’m not going to be able to fix it before tonight, and I won’t be able to hand it in on time, and then I’ll fail the assignment, and I won’t be able to graduate because how can I graduate if I don’t hand in my fucking dissertation.” 

As Luke becomes more and more panicked, Calum dips the rag in the turpentine, and sets about carefully wiping away the red paint. “It’s going to be fine.” He says, wrapping an arm around Luke’s shoulder. “Look, Luke, it’s okay.” He says, turning Luke’s attention back to the painting, now free of red splotches.

“Thank you.” Luke smiles, placing a hand on Calum’s knee. 

“No worries.” Calum says, wiping a splash of paint off of Luke’s cheek. They look at each other for a long moment. Luke can feel Calum’s breath dancing on his lips, and his heart feels like it’s going to beat out of his chest. They’re both leaning in, and isn’t clear who kisses who, but they’re kissing, and it takes Luke a moment longer than it should to pull away.

“Shit.” He exhales, touching his lips, as if he can still feel the kiss on them.

“Fuck…” Calum stands up, running his hands through his hair. “Sorry, I don’t know why I…Luke?”

Luke hasn’t moved, he’s frozen to the spot. 

“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to.” Calum continues.

“It’s okay.” Luke interjects, standing up.

“Luke I didn’t...”

“Its fine, Cal.” Luke says, as he walks out, down the stairwell and into the street, leaving Calum alone, in the middle of the flat, reeling.

-x-

_June 19th 2017_

“We should move.” Luke says, as he’s dishing out Chinese food for himself and Michael. His dissertation is finally finished, and they’re celebrating with take-out and horror movies.

“Are you sure?” Michael asks, from where he's crouched, by the TV, trying to connect laptop to the HDMI port. 

“Yeah.” Luke says, firmly, setting two plates of sweet and sour chicken down on the coffee table and curling up on the sofa. Michael sets a movie going, and joins Luke on the couch, balancing his plate on his lap.

“Because you seemed pretty hesitant before…and I don’t want you to feel like you have to or anything.” He says, through a mouthful of rice.

“I’m sure, Mikey. I’ve actually applied for an illustration internship…in Sydney.” Luke says...not quite able to breathe as he waits for Michael’s response.

“Luke…that’s huge.”

“If I get it, it’s a sign, yeah?” Luke says, pulling Michael into his side.

“What?”

“If I get the internship it’s a sign…that you were right, that we should get away from here.”

“Yeah.” Michael nods. “Okay, yeah.”

“I love you.” Luke says, kissing Michael’s cheek.

“I love you too” Michael says, turning to face him. Luke takes advantage of this, catching his lips in a kiss. “What’s brought this on?”

“I just really, really love you.” Luke replies, kissing him again. He doesn’t stop kissing Michael, repeating “I love you” over and over, like a mantra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um yeah.....I'm sorry.
> 
> Please Comment it makes me super happy!!!
> 
> Also I 100% recommend listening to Leslie Odom Jr and Daveed Diggs version of Good For You when you read the smut bit. 
> 
> Follow me on the sites: officialmalumtrash.tumblr.com @RealLicieWood


	13. You're Half A World Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're Leaving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is kind of short, but it's super important.

_July 1st 2017_

“It is ridiculous how many times I’ve beaten you.” Calum laughs, as his little virtual footballer kicks the winning goal into the net for the 4th time in a row.

“I feel like your natural athletic ability is giving you an advantage.” Michael huffs, cramming a Dorito into his mouth, and sprinkling the excess dust back into the bowl. 

“I don’t think it makes any difference…I mean…it’s a video game, Mikey.”

“I don’t know, there has to be some explanation, like, video games are my thing.”

“Maybe you’re just a sore loser.” Calum suggests with a laugh. 

 

The pair are just about to start a 5th rematch, when Luke bursts through the door.

 

“I got it, Mikey…I got the internship.”

 

Michael jumps up from the sofa, pulling Luke into a hug, and kissing him, fiercely.

 

“That’s amazing, Luke…that’s incredible!” 

“I guess this means we’re moving.”

“Luke, we’re moving back to Sydney…this is insane.”

 

“Wait, you’re what?” Calum interjects, puncturing the joy which has filled the room.

“We’re going to …um…we’re going to have to move.” Luke mumbles

“Yeah, I got that…you’re moving to Sydney?”

“Yeah…for this internship.”

“In Sydney?” Calum repeats, not quite able to get to the next part of his sentence.

“Yeah.” Luke nods, almost silent.

“Sydney in Australia.”

Luke nods.

“Australia…the other side of the world, Australia?”

“Please don’t freak out” Luke says, quickly.

 

“I’m not.” Calum says, weirdly calm. There is a moment of silence, which no one quite has the confidence to break. “You applied for an internship in Sydney, and you didn’t think to tell me?” Calum finally says.

“I didn’t want you to be mad.” Luke says, weakly.

“I’m not mad.” Calum say, not letting any emotion spill through. “Why would I be mad?”

“You obviously are mad, Calum.” Luke says, chewing on his lip.

“Well yeah.” Calum says, a quiet anger starting to build in him, like a pan threatening to boil over. “I am right now. Considering my best is moving to the other side of the world, and didn’t even bother to tell me.”

“Calum, it wasn’t like that.” Luke says, closing the space between them and giving Calum’s shoulder a squeeze. “I didn’t want to jinx it.”

“Great you didn’t” Calum replies, shaking Luke off. “So now you two can go to Sydney, great, I’m happy for you.”

“Cal, please don’t be like this.” Luke says, he can feel the dry sting at the back of his throat, and he knows he’s going to cry.

“Like what?” Calum snaps back.

“All passive-aggressive and moody. Can you not just be happy for me?” Luke voice is shaky, with the effort of pushing back his tears.

“I am happy for you.” 

“No you’re not.” Luke says, with an angry sob, the first few tears running down his cheeks, making him feel kind of stupid. 

“Fine.” Calum says, the anger he’s been holding in exploding. “You’re right. I’m not happy for you. I’m actually really fucking annoyed that you’ve got your dream job and your Soulmate. It’s pissing me off no end that your life is working out perfectly, Luke, because I’m that much of a dick.”

Calum storms off to his room, leaving Luke and Michael alone. Luke finally lets the tears he’s been holding in fall, and once the dam is broken he feels like he is never going to stop crying. Michael pulls him into a hug, stroking his hair and shushing him, then takes his face between his hands, forcing Luke to look at him. 

“Hey…no tears…this is good news, let me see that smile.” Michael says, his voice soothing. Luke forces a weak smile. “That’s better, don’t let him get to you okay? This is amazing. I’m so proud of you. You can’t let him ruin this for you.”

Luke nods. 

“I think I’m just going to go for a nap or something.” He says, wriggling out of Michael’s embrace. “I just need some time on my own, you know, to calm down and process everything.”

“Of course.” Michael says, planting a soft kiss on Luke’s temple. “I’ll be right out here if you need me.” He smiles. 

Luke nods, kisses him, and then turns and walks into his room. He curls up in the middle of his bed, cocooned in his duvet, and cries until he tires himself out and eventually drifts off to sleep.

 

-x-

 

Luke is woken up by someone climbing into the bed next to him. 

“Mikey, I love you, but I need to sleep.” He mumbles, tugging the duvet closer around him. 

“Not Mikey.” Says a voice. It’s Calum. Luke turns over to face his best friend, who is lying on his side, snuggled down into the bed.

“Calum, please just…”

“I was a dick.” Calum says, before Luke can ask him to leave.

“Yeah, you were.” Luke answers, almost inaudibly.

“I’m really sorry, Lukey.” Calum says, taking Luke’s hand in his. “It’s just…it’s a long way away. I’m not going to see you, or talk to you anymore.”

“You will, of course we’ll still talk to each other.”

“It won’t be the same though.”

Luke doesn’t answer, he knows Calum is right.

“Maybe that’s for the best.” He says, eventually.

“Don’t say that.”

“Seriously though.” Luke says, pulling his hand away from Calum’s grip.

“Is this is because of the other day.”

“No…kind of…”

“I don’t know why I did that, I didn’t mean to. It was like a weird brain short circuit…and it won’t happen again, and it really doesn’t need to change anything. I don’t want it to change anything, Luke.”

“It wasn’t just you.” Luke whispers, stroking Calum’s cheek.

“W…what?” Calum says, swallowing thickly.

“I kissed you too.” Luke says, quietly, letting out a breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding. He wraps an arm around Calum’s waist, stroking up and down his sides. “And I don’t want it to change anything, but it will, because I kissed you too. I kind of want to kiss you again.” Calum leans in, moving to catch Luke’s mouth in a kiss. Luke presses a finger to Calum’s lips, stopping him. “And I need to make this work with Michael. It has to work.”

“Luke…just listen to me…” Calum says. Luke carries on speaking, barely even registering that Calum has said anything.

“Because if I can’t make it work with Michael, you know, if I can’t make this work with the one person in this world who is meant for me, then I must be really fucked up.”

They both fall silent. The quiet fills the space around them, heavy and uncomfortable. Calum doesn’t have a response, but he doesn’t want the conversation to end. He knows when this conversation ends, he has lost Luke. He tangles his fingers into the fabric of Luke’s shirt, holding onto the boy, as if he can keep them there, in this moment, lying in Luke’s bed, just by holding onto his friend. 

Eventually it’s Luke who breaks the silence.

“And if I’m near you.” He says, the space between him and Calum almost non-existent, his breath dancing on Calum’s lips. “It is not going to work.” 

Luke turns over, his back to Calum. Calum rests a hand on Luke’s shoulder.

“Maybe it doesn’t have to work with Michael.” He says, into the darkness of the room. Luke is asleep, he knows Luke is asleep, and if he isn’t then he’s pretending to be, either way Calum’s last ditch plea is falling on deaf ears. He reluctantly unwraps himself from around Luke, leaving the younger boy to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry guys....
> 
> There is only one more chapter and an epilogue left.
> 
> the next chapter might take me a while, because I have written yet, and I am juggling writing that, and redrafting my dissertation this week. 
> 
> I love commments, getting your feedback on this has been so great, and it has made me really want to write, and start believing in my writing again, after a long time out of it.
> 
> Follow me on the sites: officialmalumtrash.tumblr.com @RealLicieWood


	14. Just Because You Feel Good, Doesn't Make It Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is NSFW, and super sad.

_July 15th 2017_ .

Luke sits cross legged on his bedroom floor, staring helplessly at the stuff around him. He drags another little pile to sit in front of him on the carpet, and starts sifting through it. He tosses out handouts and syllabuses, old bits of receipts and cinema tickets. His hands stop on a neatly folded piece of lined paper, the lyrics Calum had given him for Christmas, which feels like a lifetime ago now. He unfolds it and spreads it out on his floor, tracing Alex Gaskarth’s neat, slanted handwriting. 

“Knock knock.” 

Luke is pulled out of his reverie. He turns to see who is at his door. It’s Calum.

“Hey” He smiles up at the kiwi boy.

“Need a hand” His friend asks, flopping down on to the carpet, next to Luke.

“Need an entire bloody plane, to get all my shit back to Sydney.”

Calum lets out a soft chuckle, before turning his attention to the piece of paper in front of Luke. 

“You are so fucking good at presents” Luke says, keen to fill up the silence. 

“It’s just a piece of paper” Calum says, with a shrug.

“Shut up” Luke says, shoving Calum gently with his shoulder.

“That reminds me.” Calum says, getting up and disappearing out into the hallway. He returns with a shiny, black box. “Happy Birthday.” He hands the box to Luke. 

“It’s not my birthday until tomorrow.”

“Eh…it’s definitely past midnight, I think you can get away with it.”

Luke opens the box, inside there are twenty-one little packages, each wrapped in different coloured tissue paper.

“Cal…this is way too much.”

Calum shakes his head, staring resolutely at the carpet in front of him.

“I um…I don’t know how many more birthdays I’ll be part of, so I wanted to get as many presents in now as I could.” It’s meant to be a joke, but his voice sounds hollow. 

“Calum…we’re still going to…”

“Yeah you’ve said. Sorry. I’m not…I’m being a dick again.”

“It’s fine, you’re…”

“Just open them. They’re mostly stupid little things, they’re not all proper presents”

“The wrapping paper…it’s all a different colours, how did you…”

“I…um..”

“Did Mikey help you?” 

“Yeah.”

“He’s so cute.”

Luke takes all the little parcels out of the box, stopping to read the tags. Each one has a year written on it, from 1996, all the way through to 2017. 

“One for each year we’ve known each other.” Calum says with a small smile.

Luke picks up the one labelled 1996. It’s small glass picture frame, with two tiny hospital bracelets encased inside. 

“From when we were born?”

Calum nods.

“How did you get these?” 

“Our mums kept them.’

Luke works the way through the rest of the parcels. Every one brings back a tidal wave of memories. There’s a scruffy little square of linen, all that’s left of the blanket Luke refused to go anywhere without, for a solid three years of his life. The nameplates from their year 4 cubbies, which had been next to one and other. In the parcel labelled 2008 are the ticket stubs from when Luke’s dad took them to see Good Charlotte at the Allphones. 2010 is a CD filled with songs which immediately take Luke’s memory back to high school. There are some awful school photos, the boarding passes from when they’d first flown over to the UK, terrified, and cold, not knowing any anyone but each other. 

The last parcel, the one labelled 2017, is fairly small, in comparison to the others. Luke unwraps it, inside there’s a velvet jewellery box. Luke pops it open, inside, strung onto a delicate chain, is a tiny compass, cast in silver. 

“I figure if you’re back home, and I’m staying here, no matter what I’m going to be north of you…so yeah. It’llalways be pointing to me.”

Luke feels tears welling up in the corner of his eyes. 

He catches Calum’s lips in a kiss. He tells himself it’s a spur of the moment thing, that his heart acted before it had chance to check in with his head. Truth be told he knew exactly what he was doing. He knew that the one thing wanted was to feel Calum’s lips on his, one more time. He wanted one chance at a proper kiss with this boy who had woven himself into Luke’s life so well that the idea of breaking apart from him, felt as absurd, as painful, as breaking apart from his right arm. It’s Calum who breaks the kiss.

“Luke…”

“I just want this one night.”

Luke looks distraught, lost, and the only things grounding him are his hands tangled in the fabric of Calum’s shirt. Calum’s chest is screaming at him, he knows that once he has had a taste of Luke, losing him is only going to hurt that much more. But he’s so gone for this stupid kid, he could never refuse Luke anything he wanted. 

Calum kisses Luke. It’s open mouthed and hot and needy. Calum’s hands are tangling in Luke’s hair. The younger boy whines desperate for more, and climbs so he is straddling Calum’s lap. Calum pulls his lips away from Luke, mainly to get rid of his shirt, there are way too many layers of clothing between the boys, but also to confirm in his own brain that this is actually happening. He still can’t quite believe that his beautiful best friend is in his lap, kissing him, mewling for more. It feels so close to getting everything he wants. 

Luke pulls of his own shirt, before reattaching himself to Calum. He kisses along the golden column of the other boys neck, along his collar bones, stopping to trace the thick black lines of his tattoos. Calum is grinding his hips in soft circles, and Luke can feel him getting slowly harder. The persistent pressure of Calum’s dick against his ass makes Luke’s dick star to stir as well. 

“I w..want you.” Luke exhales. “I want you so badly.”

Thats what tips Calum over the edge. He stands up pulling Luke with him. He lifts the younger boy up, and carries him over to the bed. 

“Is Michael going to…”

“Please Calum…don’t.”

“But he’s not going to come back and…”

“No. Night sh…shift”

It’s all the reassurance Calum needs. He kisses down Luke chest, along his stomach, which is stretched, tense with arousal. Calum lets his fingers dance along Luke’s hips, the younger boy squirms underneath him. 

“Please Cal..”

Calum pulls down Luke’s jeans, helping him wriggle out of them, and positions himself between his friends spread legs. 

“You are so beautiful, Lucas.” He says, pushing the waistband of Luke’s boxers down to sit under his dick. “Wanted this for forever….wanted you of forever.” 

Calum licks along Luke’s dick. The younger boy is almost screaming at the intensity of the thick knot of arousal pooling in his stomach.

“C…cal, just fucking…”

“What….what do you want, babe” The pet name feels odd on Calum’s tongue, but he wants to take the chance to use, before is slips out of his fingers. 

“suck my dick…” Calum’s mouth hovers over Luke hard length. “please.”

Luke begging, falling apart under his finger tips, is more than Calum ever could have expected, and he doesn’t need to be asked twice to take the younger boys is dick into his mouth. 

Calum works Luke with his tongue, using a free hand to softly tease his balls. 

“Calum…Cally….I’m going to cum.” Luke whines.

Calum pulls off Luke’s dick. He crawls back up the bed, until he is face to face with Luke.

“Can I fuck you?” He asks, it come out much more bluntly than intended. Luke nods, almost imperceptibly. 

“I need, Luke, I need to hear you say, I need to know you want this.”

“Yeah. I do. I want this. Please, Calum. Want you to fuck me.”

Calum decides not to question Luke again, that would feel a whole lot like looking a gift horse in the mouth. 

“Have you got stuff?” He asks Luke, who is shimmying out of his boxers. 

“In the bedside table.” Luke says, stretching back out on the bed and lazily stroking his dick, which has started to soften. 

Calum finds a condom, and a half full bottle of lube. He coats finger and moves back down to lie between Luke’s legs. He strokes over the younger boys entrance, before slowly pushing his index finger inside.

Luke groans at the intrusion, but quickly adjusts, begging Calum for more.

Calum slowly fucks his finger in and out, searching for the spot he knows will win him more of those beautiful noises from Luke. He soon adds a second finger, and then a third, stretching his friend open, turning him into a moaning writhing mess.

“Please…Cal. I’m ready.”

Calum pulls his fingers out and shifts position.

“Do you want to get on all fours or…” He asks, considerate of what will be easiest for Luke.

“No” Luke says. “I want to see your face.”

And that nearly kills Calum. 

He pushes in, watching in awe and Luke eyes widen, his face falling slack. It takes Luke a moment to get used to the feeling of Calum inside him, but it isn’t long before they are moving. Calum’s thrusts are slow, careful. He doesn’t want this to be over any sooner than it has to be. He never looses eye contact with Luke, and he is so much more than grateful to be able to drink in his beautiful eyes, and feel the younger boys body connect with his.

“I love you.” Luke whispers. He doesn’t think it’s loud enough for Calum to hear, but it is. Calum doesn’t say anything back, just kisses the younger boys cheek hard, and wills himself not to cry. 

Luke’s Climax builds slowly, filling him, like a fire radiating from his core. When he comes it’s with a breathy moan and a gasp of Calum’s name. Feeling Luke clench around him tips Calum over the edge, and it’s a matter of seconds before the older boy is coming as well. 

Calum pulls out of Luke, collapsing on the bed next to him. Luke pulls the condom off of Calum, and knots it off. He goes into the bathroom to get rid of it and comes back with a towel, which he uses to clean his cum off of Calum’s stomach. 

Luke burrows into Calum’s side, and Calum is more than happy to pull him into a tight embrace. They lie in silence for a long time, matching their breaths to each other, and hoping that if they stay perfectly still this moment will last forever. 

Calum is the first to speak.

“Stay here.”

“Calum…”

“Please. I…I’ve never been without you. I don’t know if I can do it.”

“Please, Calum. This is already the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do.”

“So don’t do it.”

“I have to.”

“Why?”

“There’s nothing left for me here.”

Calum goes very quiet after Luke says that. It feels a little bit like being stabbed in the chest.

“Except for you. I mean, except for you.” 

“Stay for me.”

“I love you Cal, but it’s not enough.”

And that stings even more.

“You and me…we’re not…it won’t work. It would end badly, and I love you too much to risk that.”

Calum doesn’t have a response for that.

“And you’ve always found this place easier than I have. You’ve got family here. You’re going to do your postgrad, and become this successful lawyer. There is an amazing life, waiting for you here. I don’t have any of that. My family is in Sydney, I’ve got a job lined up in Sydney, fuck, Calum, there’s a flat waiting for me in Sydney.”

He kisses Calum’s cheek, and the skin there feels like it’s burning.

“Even if Michael wasn’t part of the equation, it doesn’t make any sense for me to stay here. And the fact that that means I have to leave you is fucking killing me.”

“I’m sorry” Calum says. He doesn’t know what else he can say.

“It’s okay…just…can you just stay with me tonight?” Luke asks, his eyes shining with tears. 

“Of course.” Calum pulls Luke in tighter. “Of course I will.” 

It doesn’t take long for Luke to fall asleep, but Calum stays awake until there is sunlight spilling through the window, he knows this is the only chance he will get to have Luke in his arms and he doesn’t want to miss a second of it. 

-x-

It’s not long before Michael is back from his night shift, ready to fall into bed and sleep forever. He trudges into his bedroom, and is met with a sight with he thinks is going to make him throw up. 

Calum is in bed, his bed, with Luke. They’re naked. Michael’s not stupid, there is only one thing that could have happened. He feels anger rising up inside, and he’s all but ready to wake them up, and scream, and cry, and cause hell; and then that night, a month ago, is in his mind.

The fire of jealousy he felt building is quickly extinguished. This is no different from what he did with Ashton. 

It makes Michael’s stomach twist uncomfortably, and he tries not to think about why both him and his Soulmate have been so quick to go after other men, doesn’t want to to think about how broken that makes them. 

Michael knows the only way to deal with this is pretend it never happened. 

Him and Luke are one for one, they’re even. This essentially wipes the slate clean. 

Michael knows it’s probably a sign of a pretty big problem, but they’re Soulmates, that link is too strong to ignore. 

Besides which, they’ve put down a deposit on a flat, they’ve bought plane tickets back home, things have moved way to quickly, and they’ve closed down all their other options. 

Michael heads back into the living room, and curls up on the couch, where he’ll stay, pretending to be asleep, until Calum wakes up and sneaks back to his own bedroom. Later he’ll make up some excuse about not wanting to wake Luke up. 

Nothing needs to change. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a dissertation deadline on friday, so of course, I've spent my day writing this.
> 
> I am really sorry it's so sad guys! There is an epilogue, but...it doesn't make things happier.
> 
> I am already planning a sequel though, so there might be a happy ending...EVENTUALLY
> 
> Your comments are making me so happy, and have not only spurred me on to actually finish and post all of this (a first in my illustrious fan-fiction career) but they're also keeping me super motivated to write my dissertation, so thank you guys for making me believe I can actually write. 
> 
> Follow me on the sites: officialmalumtrash.tumblr.com @RealLicieWood


	15. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's an unsatisfying ending, but the only one that could justifiably happen.

_August 1st 2017_

Luke feels sick when the day of the move actually arrives. 

The reality of it all has burst thebubble of fluttery excitement he’s been able to create since the Calum incident. Between then and now it never quite felt real. Even when they were making travel arrangements, and packing up the rest of their belongings, ready to be shipped, it always felt like they were getting ready for something far in the future, a day that would never actually come.

Once Luke is stood in the entryway, surrounded by suitcases, the taxi to take them to the airport waiting downstairs, the reality of the situation punches him in the stomach, filling him with a dizzy nausea. 

He feels a gentle hand on his hip and turns, to see Michael, fixing him with a concerned smile.

“You okay, babe?” He asks.

“Yeah I’m fine.” Luke nods, trying to ignore the knot in his stomach.

“Okay, I’m going to take the last of these cases downstairs.” Michael smiles, pecking Luke on the cheek and heading out to the street. 

Luke walks over to Calum’s bedroom door, takes a deep breath and knocks. Calum answers, his hair fluffy, sticking up in every direction, and sleep hanging heavy over his eyes. Even like this, first thing in the morning, and half asleep, he looks amazing. The knot in Luke’s stomach twists.

“We’re um…the taxi’s here so…we’re leaving.” Luke says.

“Good luck.” Calum says, with a genuine smile, which fills his face with this light, that makes Luke’s stomach feel even weirder.

“Thanks.” Luke replies, hovering…not sure what else to say, but not wanting the conversation to be over.

“I’m going to miss you.” Calum says eventually, his smile fading. Luke isn’t sure how to reply, so simply fixes his flatmate with a weak smile. The two stand in silence for a long beat, both wanting to say so much, but neither feeling like they can.

“Come here, dickhead.” Luke eventually says, with a giggle, opening his arms, inviting Calum in for a hug. Calum wraps his arms around the younger boy, squeezing him tight, like he wants to make sure he is actually there.

“Arsehole.” Calum laughs, burying his face in Luke’s neck, breathing him in. They stay like that, hugging, taking each other in, for a long time. Eventually Calum pulls away, staring at Luke, taking in every detail of his face. 

“Your eyes are blue.” He says eventually.

“What.” Luke exhales, the knot in him stomach feeling like it is going to tear him apart. 

“You’ve got blue eyes.” Calum says, his voice shaking, barely audible. “They’re my favourite thing about you.”

“How can you…”

“I’ve always been able to see them, since we were kids.”

“Calum, why didn’t you say something…?”

“You couldn’t….you didn’t see colour, when I did, and I was so young, you know, most people don’t get colour until they’re in their 20s or whatever but I barely remember what it was like before I had it. I was a kid when I figured what was going on, I thought there was something wrong with me. So I didn’t…I just ignored it, and then you met Michael, so…”

The front door clicks, and they turn to see Michael, re-entering the flat, having stowed the last of the suitcases away in the taxi. 

“You ready, Luke?” Michael asks, holding his hand out to his boyfriend. 

Luke fixes Calum with a long look. The kiwi boy’s eyes are glistening now, tears pooling at the corners. 

“Yeah.” He eventually nods, taking Michael’s hand, and leaving the flat. 

Calum waits until Luke and Michael are out of the door and down the stairs before he lets the first few tears fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading this dumb thing, I can't believe I actually wrote and posted an entire fic!!
> 
> I'm sorry the ending is so unsatisfying, but I feel like to end it any other way would have been disingenuous, and you deserve better than that, realistically, for these characters, at this point in time there was no way it could have ended happily.
> 
> I am planning the sequel at the minute, because more than anything else, I've made myself sad, and I want closure for these characters, I love the world of this fic and I don't want to stop writing in it.
> 
> Thanks for your comments, this fic has really motivated to get back into writing, something I haven't done in a long long time


	16. A Note

So I have started posting the sequel:http://archiveofourown.org/works/6685339/chapters/15289642


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